The Juggle of Modern Motherhood

I have this problem you see, it seems as if I can never give the correct straight-forward answer to a question. It used to drive my teachers crazy for many, many years. It is also why I can't seem to win any writing competition I enter. This post is supposed to be my entry to the Mum Network Trusted Blogger Club Autumn Blog Carnival. The theme is "the juggle of modern motherhood", and the winning blogger will get a ticket to Britmums Live 2014. Now if you are not a blogger yourself you've probably never heard about it, but it is a very big event in the blogging world, so I would very much like a ticket, but am probably the only blogger alive who still doesn't have one (the reason I don't have one yet is because a. It's pretty expensive and b. In my way of living you don't buy today a ticket to an event that will happen in June 2014). With this motivation you would be right to expect that I would do whatever I can to try and win this thing, which means writing about how tough life as a mother is, how I or we or women as a whole has to juggle so many things, and how tougher it is for us today than it was in the olden days.

Not me juggling, but at least I am doing something in this photo

But I won't. Because I can't give a correct straight-forward answer. Also because I don't juggle anything. In fact I can't juggle. When I was younger I wanted to learn how (because I have to learn EVERYTHING there is), and I really did try, but as it turned out I have the worst eye-hand coordination and timing you have ever seen (also why I am so bad at tennis. Which I also tried to learn. It did not end well) so I can't even have two balls in the air at the same time. My maximum is one. But mainly because I don't agree with the premise, or with the use of the words "modern" and "juggle". I am ok with motherhood though, so hopefully it will keep me in the running...
I have to say, though I did read a really funny Facebook status about it over the weekend, I am not a big fan of "the way things were" reminiscing. I really can't say if it was easier or tougher in the olden days. I guess it depends on my mood. But I do know this, as women and as mothers, we had less choices, there was more of a "one correct way to do thing" kind of vibe. It is not the case today, and as a big believer in the freedom to choose one's way of life, I can't say that I would have liked to live in an era that wouldn't allow me that freedom. However, sometimes the more choices you have, the harder it is to actually make a choice. Sometimes it seems that people get lost in the option pool. And sometimes it seems that we don't have to make that choice. That we could have it all. And here I think lies the crux of the matter.
As it happened on Saturday I had to take a sick day and stay in bed all day because I needed to let my hand rest (don't ask, it is a very long story for a different time and some very scary medical tests) and because I can't seem to stop doing things around the house, I ended up in bed in front of the TV. No computer, no iPhone, not even folding laundry (all of which I usually do while watching TV). Just rest.

This is a true representation of my laundry. 

After 14 hours of this I first had to lock all doors and windows (and start watching far less scary shows. But if you ever find yourself in need of an expert advice about how to run away from the law, I'm your gal) but I also watched Grey's Anatomy, and this is the point of the story, because she had had a baby a few episodes earlier, and now she is a mother of two. And in this episode she discovered what every woman discover at some point in life - you really can't have it all. Now I know some people might get angry and huffy, but it's still going to be true. You really can't. Children don't just change the equation, they create a whole new one. No one ever says hey, look at that university student, how she has to juggle work, studies, relationship and a full social calendar. No one ever says hey, look at that single man how he juggles his career and gym membership. People only starts talking about juggling when there are children involved. Because we still see ourselves as supposed to give a 100% to our work, studies, relationship and social calendar, while giving a 100% to raising our children. Because we want it all.
 And you know what? Maybe we can have it all, just not at the same time. But even then we still have to give up so much of what defined us before the kids, and when they grow up enough for us to start looking again, we are not the same person.

a true representation of my kids

Eons ago, before I had the kids, my dream was to be very high up the financial ladder. As I saw it then, I had everything it took - I am competitive, I am an adrenaline junky, I love the fast-pace climate, I jump head first and most of all I am good at it. I didn't (obviously), but if I wanted to I can do this now. My kids are old enough that I can go back to school, get a UK diploma or whatever I need and start to climb up that ladder. Only I am not that 21 years old girl anymore. Somewhere along the way my dreams, my aspirations, my life, changed. I changed.
I always have to be different, so I never wanted the "all" most people do. I got married young, had my kids young, and somehow managed to study, work, move a few countries and homes, start a few businesses and raise my kids with little to no help. That is the last ten years in a nutshell. But still I don't juggle, because I didn't give up who I was for the kids. I gave it up for me (and also, because I was very young. I look at it now and all I can think to myself is - what were you thinking?!).
To me it seems that juggling isn't the right word. Why don't we acknowledge that we can't have it all at the same time? That life has priorities? Juggling means it is all of equal importance. It isn't. Kids should always come first, or not at all. They shouldn't be as important as a social calendar.
Or a gym membership.