Blogfest 2013

I went to Blogfest 2013 on Saturday. Seeing how Blogfest is an annual conference for bloggers organised by Mumsnet, it was meant for what is sometimes called "mummy-bloggers". Mostly it's called like that by people who try to insult us, because, as I learnt in Blogfest - "mummy" is a derogative word when not coming out of a five years old's mouth. Feel free to disagree. I know I did.
Going to Blogfest was a very big step for me. It was my first blogging conference, actually it was my first ever professional conference. And let's be honest here - I am socially awkward at the best of circumstances. I don't like small-talk, or mingling, or people. I know you think it's because of the English, and my being new to the world of professional blogging and the UK, but it's not. Not that my funny accent helps, but I was bad at all this in Hebrew too. I think if I had to find one word to describe myself best it would be "outsider". I am the one on the fringe looking in. And I like it. But it makes going to events where you are supposed to mingle and make connections a bit tricky.
I knew all this before I bought my ticket (actually Hidai bought me the ticket because I was on the fence for weeks), and still I decided to go. I decided to go because for the first time in a very long while (probably since I finished my masters in 2008) I have a group I actually belong to, and somehow going to Blogfest made it even more real and tangible. Second of all because my biggest fear in this kind of events is having to go alone (I usually make Hidai come with me to everything), but this time I had Jane from Ethan's Escapade and Steph from Steph's Two Girls to go with, so I had someone to hold my hand and I didn't have to be the wall-flower standing alone on the side of the room looking at everyone. And thirdly, because I like Mumsnet. I am not very prone to liking organisations or institutions, but I like Mumsnet. And no, unfortunately they are not paying me to say that. I really don't think they know I exist. Or think my blog is big / important / influential enough to care. But I like them, because I like people who want to change the world. I like people who think we can change the world, that we should. I like people who use their powers for the greater good.
So I went, because I want to change the world too.
I know, I know, being an idealist is like being a... a naive child I guess. Nobody believes in ideals anymore, and who has time to change the world anyway. I have two more loads of laundry waiting. Life is hard enough and busy enough as it is, and idealism is all fine and good but it never pays. It does not put food on the table. That's why I went to the lecture about how to make money from your blog and not the one about how to change the world.

Steph, Jane & me on our way (photo by Steph)

So what did I learn in Blogfest?
Well, I didn't learn how to make money from my blog (though I did encounter too many people who money apparently just fall at their feet without them having to work for it).
I didn't meet 330 new people who will now read my blog and will make me either queen or at least a popular blogger, because let's face it when you are socially challenged you are less likely to go around saying "hey, I know we don't know each other but could you please follow my blog so I will be able to sit in the cool kids table?". You are more likely to not even know where that table is.
I didn't ask any wise questions at the panels I attended.
I didn't eat because every break, by the time I found the buffet table all the cakes were gone.
I wasn't brave enough to go up to Professor Tanya Byron to tell her I am a huge fan, or to Stella Creasy MP who talked about stopping internet bullying. I wasn't even brave enough to go talk to Gina Schauffer from Zone agency to see if they would be willing to consider working with my tiny blog.
So I guess I learnt that I am still just me.
Oh, I also learnt that in order to get a chance to win a family holiday from Mark Warner I have to share my top tip for a family holiday with you all. Well, listen up, because here it is - my top tip is plan the holiday according to the youngest person who is going on it. When on a family holiday, the kids rule the schedule and plan. Oh, and a tiny gift per day of good behaviour might sound like a bribe, but it will also what can save the whole day and means you don't have to pack tons of toys from home. And last but not least - mummy day. I explain to my kids that their holiday is my work, so I get one day of everyone doing just what mummy wants...

But I also listened to Stella Creasy talk about stopping internet bullying and making companies and people take responsibility for their actions and choices, about not hiding behind the "it's the technology's fault" line that is clearly just a poor excuse for not wanting to take responsibility for your own actions and words; I listened to Professor Tanya Byron talk about how the internet and the technology could change our children's lives for the better if we stop viewing it as an enemy and learn how to use it properly, and about stopping to think before we hit the publish button and ask our kids for their permission before we publish anything about them; I listened to Dr. Sue Black who set up a wonderful and inspiring program to get mums more tech-savvy and show them how technology can change their lives for the better; I listened to a crowd of about 300 women get very angry when it was told we are less worthy as women or mothers because we write "mummy-blogs", make jam, wear high-hills, without a university degree, and generally make "anti-feminists choices" by a panel of other women; and I listened to Jo Brand talk about how far women have come in writing, in stand-up comedy and how much more we have to do.

So I guess I learnt that idealism isn't really dead or obsolete, and that even in London of 2013 there is still a long way to go.
I have a child with special needs, I am an immigrant, I am a stay at home mum, I am Jewish, I am a woman. My blog touches all these subjects, because they are all a part of who I am, and every day I hear from women who feel ashamed, less accepted, alone, because they also share one of those points with me. Every day my heart breaks a little more for each of us who goes through the unpleasant experience of being looked down at because we are any of those things (or any other thing). I get asked quite repeatedly why I write under my own name, why I put photos of myself and my family, why I write about Yon's condition so openly. This is why. This is my small way of helping. My hope is that with each of those posts at least one person feels less alone, and maybe others change the way they perceived disabled children, immigrants or women. With each of those posts and photos and stories I hope I am doing my tiny bit to help change the world.
And what I learnt most in Blogfest 2013 is that I am not alone in that.

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Positivity is Overrated

It's 10pm on Tuesday, and I've been staring at the screen for the past hour trying to figure out what to do. Like every week Tuesday is the time for me to write a post that will go straight to Jane from Ethan's Escapades for her "Small Steps Amazing Achievements" Wednesday linky. I know I am not really committed to Jane, and really I don't even know Jane except through the blog world. For all I know she thinks I am an idiot and the worst writer she's ever seen. But I know that tomorrow morning when Jane will tweet me to say that the linky is open, if I don't have a post to add I will feel bad. I will feel as if I let her down. So here I am, racking my brain, trying to find what to write for tomorrow, and I have nothing. I mean how can you find something positive to write about every single week? And it's not just Jane on Wednesday, on Monday I have "Magic Moment" and on Thursday "Reasons to be cheerful". Really? Every single week? How can people be so positive all the time? And especially in relation to the kids? How is it that other kids are doing positive things every single week? I am not a positive person. If you ever read any of my posts, you already know that I spend 95% of the post dwelling on the negative, and then throw in a positive twist so it will fit the bill. Or if I could manage it, I try to combine all of them into one post, and even that one isn't really what you might call a little ray of sunshine. This week is the worst so far. Last week I skipped Thursday because it was so bad I told Hidai I am on my way to HR to hand in my resignation, and after he reminded me that I work for me (and HR are the kids), I just went underground until Monday. 

We did have a lovely weekend, so I managed a semi-funny half-optimistic post, that included my war with August, dinosaurs, "the wild" and even had doughnuts. Nobody read it. Apparently nobody likes my humour. Or doughnuts. 

Doughnuts. 

Unfortunately, Monday & Tuesday did not go down well with the kids, and the only amazing achievement I could think of from the top of my head is me not banishing them to their room for most of the day. 

Kids. Not behind closed doors

Yon didn't do anything resembling an achievement this week, unless you consider his amazing ability to not stop talking even while sleeping an achievement. I know he does. Other than that, since last week all that changed is the fact that we stopped his 2pm nap, because he won't be able to nap when he goes to Reception in September, and also because to be honest he stopped falling asleep awhile ago, but he still needed his rest and so did we. But now we decided he should get used to not having a 2 hours quiet rest time a day. A decision that will be rewarded in September, but at the moment we regret daily. So not such an achievement. 

Yon. Trying his best to look innocent

Ron, bless him, is in a constant state of get-me-out-of-here, combined with growling and nonstop complaining. It is an achievement I guess to be able to complain about anything and everything. We take them out for a day of fun activities, we get "I didn't have time to read today". We stay at home we get a "we haven't left the house again". We play the WII together I get a "when are we going to play Scrabble . We do a puzzle together I get a "but we didn't play the WII today". Amazing. On top of that we are now going through a stage of unwillingness to make an effort at anything, and dealing with any hurdle is done through shouting, crying, and.. You guessed it - complaining. It is for a different post, but sometimes parenting a gifted child is not all that easy. Especially when you are trying to teach him to deal with not succeeding, with not knowing all the answers, with the need to work systematically and hard to succeed. What can I say, today after I made him cry for the second day in a row because I wouldn't let him quit and wouldn't give him the answer, I definitely felt like it was a Hallmark moment, what an amazing achievement, and a proud parenting moment. 

Ron. Pre-crying

The truth is, I wanted to write about myself, but I wasn't sure if it's in accordance with Jane's rules, and after all, I did make an 8 years old cry. Twice. After said 8 years old declared happily that he saw a marked improvement from yesterday, gave himself a 10 in puzzle-doing (no. We usually refrain from marking the kids on playing) and that he loves himself best, but also likes me, I thought about it and decided that after that intro Jane will probably banish me from her linky anyway, so I should just go for it. 

a 10 in puzzle doing

Me. I've made a small step. And an amazing achievement this past week.  
I've written my Lost on Twitter post last Monday. It was about how bad I am at all this blogging thing, and especially in the social media arena. Since then I decided to not be a hypocrite (not an obvious one at any rate) and try to improve my social standing. I did manage to not get it even lower, so that is something I reckon. I still feel like the outcast on Twitter, like everyone has friends and people who care if they come to a blogging event and I don't, like I am over-trying, like I will never be one of those "I don't know how that happened" people. I find it all so hard, so demanding, so out of my comfort zone. But I tried, and if it all goes well (and assuming none of them read this post and changes her mind) I will have a chance to reccomend 5 blogs I love over at Love all Blogs in October, and I will be a guest blogger at 3 Children and It, and you can look for me on MUM Network in my first post there sometime this month. I even have a Pinterest account fresh from today. 
All I have left now is to find the answer to a question from a blogging course I'm taking, what is my blogging strength? What do I bring to the table?
As it seems, where everyone else brings happiness, positivity and sunshine, I bring cynicism, self-deprecation and complaints. 
So watch out for my first "dreadful moments linky".

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Lost on Twitter and small acts of kindness

I am new to the world of serious blogging. I've been blogging for quite a while now, a few years to be exact - my first blog was in a pseudonym, my second a closed family-friends one, and this one is my first real attempt to get my stories "out-there", to try and reach as many people as I can. This blog is a year old nowadays, and yet it isn't, because it took me a while to learn this world of "real" blogging. I am actually very new to all the professional aspects of blogging. I got my first Tots100 ranking in May. It was bad.
Mainly I guess for two reasons - firstly because my SEO was in the toilet. And after two months of trying to fix it, it is still rooted there quite firmly. Apparently I don't get it and it doesn't get me. Google is the bane of my existence. And second, because my Kred/Klout was down there keeping my SEO company. What is Kred/Klout you ask? Why is she cursing us? well I've found out about them myself a month ago, when my ranking fell even lower (didn't think it was possible, and yet there it was). They are the internet's way to decide how "important" you are, based on your social media activity. According to the internet, I am not. at all.
After trying tirelessly this past month to improve both these grades, I can say that they are absolutely right. I am not important.
This month I've managed to improve my ranking marginally, and am now sitting comfortably in the "will never amount to anything" column.
During this past month of trying endlessly to be social (working on the assumption that if you are social you are important) I did manage to prove a long standing theory about myself - I am not a social person. It's not that it comes as a shock, after all up until about a month and a half ago I had 80 followers on Twitter. And most of them where there because Hidai & I share a Twitter account. Most our Facebook friends are Hidai's friends. And we have about 5 people on Google+ who aren't family. I am awkward in social situation, horrible at small-talk, lacking in the superficial charm department, don't do fake niceness, and have the worst poker face (also, not really good in Poker. But I have a killer Black Jack game). I actually like not needing to talk to anyone for days. All these endearing traits, which are responsible for my having less than ten friends in the whole wide world, are not considered an asset when coming to build an online persona. Or friendships. How do people build friendships anyway?
For me, Twitter looked like high-school. Or a really big water-cooler. I've been out of high-school for a while now, and even when I was there I adored my "almost" status - I was almost in every crowd, and that way I never needed to be in any of them (except with the few friends I did love).
Trying to find my place in Twitter felt like being the new kid in a gigantic high-school, or group. I felt lost. On Twitter everyone has a better life, better kids, better sense of humour, and a better blog. Everyone gets invitations to amazing events, and PR emails and calls that offer them free stuff and sponsorships for things, everyone has kids that let them write all day, contests they win, high rankings in every directory, blogs that win awards, everyone were blog of the day/week/month/year somewhere, they have thousands of followers and, you know, a perfect life.
I know it's not reality, and that everyone chooses what to portray to the world, but I've had a few too many "everything in my life is perfect" real people lately, and combined with a few unsuccessful days where I felt the world (and eBay, and a certain blogging directory) hates me personally, that I will never amount to anything and that my blog is actually getting smaller by the minute.
Hidai was busy with work, the kids were just starting their summer-holiday (also known around here as "MUUUUUUUMY holiday"), Yon was sick (literally. On the floor. On the couch. On himself) and I sent a message to the universe of needing a little good vibes, good news, and positive reinforcements.
The universe sent me silence. 
And then I got some family-loving, a kiss from Ron (there is nothing quite like a child's kiss don't you agree? I always try to steal more kisses from them. Which, I guess is why I get less), and a small act of kindness. 
I got flowers, sunshine and a hug, that were all virtual, but were so very real to me. I guess because that small act of kindness made me feel that I do matter, that no matter what the internet says I am important, and it made me think that maybe, just maybe, there is still hope.

this is how trying to write looks like in my house these days

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My firstie

Last Friday I had an adventure. To say that my life is usually quite boring will be the understatement of the year. I lead the stereotype of a suburbs-stay-at-home-mum life, and I don't even live in the suburbs. I live a short tube ride away from all the interesting places, but the truth is it usually turns out that I spend most of my days gazing outside the window thinking to myself (because I have no other person - adult or child to talk to) that London is as far away from me now as it was when I lived in Gib, or even in Israel. I have so many excuses to give for why that is - you see, I have two kids to look after, Yon goes to nursery until 12 so I don't have enough time, when I go into town I have a tendency to spend money I don't really have, I need to write, and of course how can we forget the best one - I have laundry to do. It doesn't matter the excuse I use, the end result is always the same - I stay at home for days or weeks on end. It's not that I mind it too much actually, I love my life (after all, I chose them and shaped them to suit me) and frankly trying to have non-football or animals related fun with an eight years old who's already started perfecting his teenage growling and bored/broody looks, and a four years old who doesn't like new places, doesn't like not touching things, and does like to annoy us to no end, isn't an easy task. When we just arrived to London, and I had the kids home with me, I tried taking everyone out for Friday Adventures, which Hidai hated because for him Friday is a regular work day, and the kids used as an excuse to behave badly because, well, because they are kids. We did get to see and do plenty of things, but I can't really say we enjoyed most of them. And after a few (unsuccessful) tries I let it go. It's too much money and effort to NOT have fun.
But if you have to know the truth, sometimes I miss going to the supermarket. Taking the risk of sounding extremely weird here, I love supermarkets, I used to love going to Morrisons when we lived in Gib. There is nothing like walking around aisle 8 where they put all the "interesting" things :). I do my shopping online these days. And not in Morrisons.
Not really the point of the post, just a tid bit to make you look funny at the screen and go Morrisons?! Did she really just say that?!
The point was, that adventures are few and far between.

And last Friday I got a chance at one. I was one of the (not so many) bloggers invited to attend Tesco's Christmas in July event, through BritMums blogging community.
Now, some of you are heading for the close button because, who wants to hear about Christmas in July? well, the truth is, no one. Why would I tell you about products, food or gifts you'll forget by next week, not to mention October? No. I will tell you about me. Much more interesting. For me at least.
You see, this was the first event I got invited to through the blog (okay, let's be honest here, it was the first "work" related event I have ever gotten invited to, if you are not counting Hidai's Christmas party, which I most certainly don't). It was also my first publicity event. Ever. I never thought I would be invited to join one. I mean why would I? Who cares what I think? (hint - not my kids).
The evite (I used evite in a sentence!) said - as I read it, this is a stressful-potentially-heart-attack-inducing few hours in a posh hotel that you've never heard of in the middle of London, and there will be a film crew so your humiliation will be recorded and broadcast to the world. I swear to you, it's word to word what was written there.
On the other hand, it's Christmas. There was no chance I will not go.
So obviously I needed to devise a game plan. First thing is first - I took Hidai with me. I usually try not to leave home without him. Second thing, I rummaged through my closet until I found clothes of the  non jeans kind, and put on my fancy make-up and jewellery. I even had on my "work" heels.
I was a nervous wreck. I forgot the name of my blog. I think the drinks guy (there was a drinks guy, with uniform) was laughing at me. I didn't know anyone. I wasn't sure what to do, who I was talking to, what's my name, and what is my blog about.
And if that isn't enough (why isn't it never enough I wonder), a very nice Australian girl named Claire approached me and wanted to know if I will be willing to answer some questions for the thing? commercial? three hour long film? she was doing for the Tesco YouTube channel.
Me.
I can't even talk to a regular person without hyperventilation. I tend to forget all the answers whenever I need to give them. I am pathologically shy. I have a funny accent. I am Jewish, what do I know of Christmas???
So naturally I said yes.
Because I also don't like to disappoint people. But deep down I was really hoping she will forget about me. And so, we wandered around the room? hall? ballroom? filled with Christmasy things and very nice people who absolutely terrified me, trying to find what I will write about come Christmas shopping time. Mine isn't a life-style / product reviews / foodie blog. And really, nobody even reads it.
Yes, the numbers do lie.
As it happened Claire didn't forget about me, and after she finished assuring me for three hundred times that it will be fine, shoved a microphone down my dress, and repositioned me for what felt like at least twenty minutes (about three in reality), I actually went for it and interviewed for the first time in my life. Did I mention I am camera shy? I don't even like it when I have to pose for stills...
I talked about Christmukah (Christmas & Hannuka), what you do in Hannuka, how we celebrate Christmas, and told the whole world (or the Tesco's YouTube channel subscribers) that we eat chocolate for breakfast on Christmas Day.
It was all over in a few short minutes (I needed three takes on the first question. At least nobody yelled "cut!"), and though I swear the whole room was looking at me funny, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And now as a seasoned interviewee, I have some tips Claire told me, and I will tell you for whenever you next need to interview - look at the interviewer and not the camera, smile, and integrate the question within your answer.
And wear clothes where they can easily shove the microphone.

Claire said they won't cut out all my bits for some reason, so you'll be able to see me whenever the ads for Christmas start coming out. Don't worry, I'll probably put it here. Or they will cut me out.
Thank God Yon's schedule is a great excuse for everything, so after one more person I talked to without knowing who they were, a glass of lemonade and a last glance around, we made our retreat in a very dignified way.
As we were walking around Regent St. towards the tube, marvelling at London in the sun, at the turists, at life, it really struck home how much my life had changed in the last year, how much I've accomplished.
And also, I got a goody bag.

* Just so you know, this post was not sponsored by anyone other the one who sponsors all my posts - Hidai :)

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A Job Interview

"What kind of support system do you have at home?" was the moment I realized that the first job interview I've had in over ten years is most definitely NOT going to end up in a job. Unfortunately it was five minutes in, right after "why don't you have a proper CV?" and before "where does your English comes from?"
Yes. I had a job interview. I will say it again, really slow - I. Had. A. Job. Interview. I know, the mind boggles.
In my defence it really looked like one of those Karma / fate / God kind of things. Really did. It was one of those moments in life where you have to make a choice - do I jump or not. I always jump. Head first and without checking the water.
I mean, it was my birthday, the role looked really similar to what I want to do (and what I already do) in the Blog, I wrote an email saying I wasn't looking for a job, I don't have formal qualifications and I have nothing to show for myself except the blog, but would really like the job :), and got an interview invitation instead of a refusal. It all looked like it was one of those things that happens to other people, you know, the ones with the stories about how they accidentally or magically got to be doing what they are doing. These kind of things never happen to me. But this time showed real potential, it seemed like all the pieces were falling into the right place. So I jumped.
I spent the next few days studying the website, preparing a list of suggestions, improvements and questions, and mainly thinking of myself as an employee for the first time in over a decade. It was really weird, the thought of being an employee, of having a "proper job", of being "ordinary". I spent a lot of time in those early years of not having a "proper job" coming to terms with it, it took me a while to hold my head up high, to be able to look people in the eye and not be ashamed of my work-related choices (my "so, what do you do all day" post talks exactly about that). And somewhere along the way, bit by bit, and without really noticing it, I succeeded. No, that's not entirely true, I began to marvel in it. I love being extra-ordinary, I love having "a story", I love my different way of life. If I was better with people and stopped trying to avoid human contact as much as possible I am sure I would have been able to look them in the eye. It defines me, you see, the "self-employment in weird professions" I've done over the last decade or so. And I like it. But Yon is going to school full time in September (it will actually be October, but don't get me started on the topic), we could use the extra money (just the idea of being a two stable incomes household was so alien), it's a freelance part-time job from home (which are the only type of jobs I can even consider, and even those are bordering on "too organized" for me), and I finished all the Candy-Crush levels on the mobile app. It seemed like a good a time as any to try something outside my comfort zone.
So I jumped.
And on Sunday I got dressed in my only real young-professional (and totally not mummy) outfit and went on a 45 minutes trip to the interview (alone. Hidai & kids stayed home because Yon has been sick for the last four days. An unheard of record for any of my kids. Last night we were actually contemplating the A&E because none of them had EVER been sick for more than a couple of days).
The sunny sidewalk outside the Starbucks was where my fairy-tale story ended, and reality came back. I can't say that I was happy with the way I conducted myself during the interview. Can't say that I haven't felt the last ten years melting away, leaving me again a baffled young girl with nothing to her name. I have never been good in these interview situation, I am not good in front of authority figures, and I most definitely don't react well to belittling or patronizing human beings.
I lost them. All the right answers I prepared in advance, all my savvy comebacks, all my thoughts. It didn't help that the first sentence was an accusing "you didn't send me a proper CV". Which leads us back to the beginning of the post and my "support system". Why does a freelance part-time web editor needs a support system? Well, the answer is really quite simple. That's not the role. The role is a combination of PR, sales and marketing, and includes attending functions, parties, hunting for advertisers and being interwoven in the Israeli community in London. All of which are things that I am so so so so horrible at. And all of them things that were not in the written job description.
What do you do in this situation? How are you supposed to conduct yourself in a wrong-place wrong-time kind of situation? When it is all perfectly horrible - wrong job, wrong interviewer, wrong interviewee? What do you do when each question is more wrong than the one before?
What kind of support system do you have?
What does your husband do?
Where does your English comes from?
How good is your Hebrew?
Why don't you have a proper CV?
How much do you see yourself involved in the Israeli community?
How is your teamwork spirit?
Can you find advertisers?
Do you bore easily?
What other characteristics don't you like about yourself?
Will you work for less than the living-wage?
I don't know what other people do, but me, I like to say all the wrong things and really hammer the "never gonna happen" nail, but in a polite way. I guess that is why some of my answers included "We really are not big fans of the Israeli community", "I haven't worked with a team in more than 10 years, so I can't really say", "yes, I do bore easily", and my favourite "I can't say that these are things about myself that I don't like, but you might think otherwise. I don't like people of authority, and I don't react well to criticism".
We parted ways on that same pavement some 45 minutes later with a vague "it was nice meeting you, we will do something together even if not in this role", and a "you can email me if you need help with the settling in in London" on her side and a "sure, sure I will be happy to" on mine. But I won't.
We never know why we go through the things we do, all we get (if we are lucky) is retrospect. Hidai said it doesn't matter, because I jumped, I did something way-way out of my comfort zone, I took a risk and was willing to follow through. I am not really sure, mainly because I felt disappointed with myself, I would have liked to feel so much more poised, to be more matter-of-fact with the whole thing, I would have liked to feel that I used the last 10 years to grow-up. That I don't work in "proper jobs" because it's my choice, not because I can't get through an interview.
In the end of the day I don't know if this interview was a sign for things to come, if it was there to open my eyes to options I haven't thought about, to pave the way to other opportunities that will arrive, or maybe it was there to remind me, that I really like working for myself, that I am the only boss myself is willing to tolerate (and even that isn't a smooth ride).

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So, What Do You Do All Day?

This week I got asked the one question I absolutely hate being asked - "so, what do you do all day?" I can't remember a time in the last 10 years, ever since I left the mainstream career advancement path, that I did not hate or dread this question.
I had many answers over the years - studying, self-employed, nothing, laundry and Hidai's favourite answer "whatever she wants". For some reason none of those answers ever inspired anyone to take me seriously.
When people hear "stay at home mum" (which is in fact the short answer I learned to give to the "what do you do in life" question, because it's the easiest and a tried and tested sure-fire way to make sure they won't ask anymore questions), they instinctively think less of you. You either couldn't make it in the real world, or you lack ambitions, or - let's face it - you are just plain boring. They don't care how many University degrees and professional courses you have under your belt, how many languages you know, or how many self-employed businesses you had to this day. They assume you will just want to talk about your kids all day.
Which is true, I do prefer to talk about my kids than tell people what it is I do all day.

The truth is, I did not leave a big, important job, or a carrer path, or sacrificed whatever it was I wanted to do at the time for my kids. No. I left the mainstream world of working life 2 years before I even had Ron, long before we started trying to have kids. Before we even got married. Because the truth is I just did not want to be part of that world and I was fortunate enough to find a life-partner who loves me for all my crazy.

It took me years to be able to stand tall and face all the criticism and judgment and belittling comments, and say yes, I hate working in conventional things and places so I have my own thing; or that yes, I love studying really practical things that I will never work in later and unpractical things that no-one can ever use later; or just that yes, I don't work. Not unemployed, not looking for a job, not a stay at home mum, not a homemaker, not self-employed. Just not working.
But that usually leads to the "so what do you do all day" question.
And most people find what I do all day silly, or a waste of time or money, or just unimportant. So I stopped giving a straight answer, and am usually stuck with the laundry answer. And then they turn to Hidai (probably feeling sorry for him for having such a boring wife who spends all his hard-earned money) and talk to him as if I am not in the room, about "grown-ups" things like work, and meetings, and computers and internet. You know, things I don't understand anything about. These people will usually get a very long and detailed lecture about my kids. Just because I can.

But this time I was asked by a stay-at-home mum who is on a relocation to a different country. I said, what is easiest to say in these situations - well, Yon only goes to nursery until 12, so you know... Ask me in a year when he goes to school until 3:30pm. It was my reflex answer, and one I kind of regretted after, because I know first hand how many women feel guilty about being at home, especially if you have kids at school / nursery age and strictly speaking you could work like a normal person. I saw so many women over the years that found it hard to cope with the guilt over it, which sometimes led them to do things like have another baby just so they have a legitimate reason to stay at home, or tell people for years that they are "in-between jobs at the moment", or talk for hours about their old jobs, or blame it on their husband and kids. I met very few who were happy. I guess I should have told her the truth, that I do whatever makes me happy at every given moment (okay, maybe except for cleaning day). I should have said it's an opportunity to find whatever it is you wanted to do and put off for "later" and do it. I should have said life is too short for guilt.

I bet I know what you are thinking, because you will not be the first to think it, or to say it - that I am irresponsible, that I am childish, that I am very lucky Hidai makes enough money I can afford to be irresponsible and childish, that if I held a proper job we would not be in a financial "situation", that if Hidai leaves me tomorrow I will not be able to get any job because I am unqualified for... Anything, and the killer - what kind of an example are you setting for your kids? and I guess it's all true, to a point. You know what, I spent years defending my decisions, years wasted in explaining and answering all those points above, years of hearing people criticise my life choices behind my back and to my face. And in the end I stopped. Stopped explaining, stopped defending, stopped telling people what it is I do all day.

But if you must know, I hope that this is exactly what I teach my boys - that the sky is the limit. That you should go for what you want and realise every last one of your dreams. That you can do whatever the hell makes your life happy at the moment. And that yes, you pay a price for your choices, but everybody pays a price. Just choose whichever price you can afford.

So what do I do all day these days? well, Yon goes to nursery till 12...

A big part of what I do all day...

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