Lost on Twitter and small acts of kindness

I am new to the world of serious blogging. I've been blogging for quite a while now, a few years to be exact - my first blog was in a pseudonym, my second a closed family-friends one, and this one is my first real attempt to get my stories "out-there", to try and reach as many people as I can. This blog is a year old nowadays, and yet it isn't, because it took me a while to learn this world of "real" blogging. I am actually very new to all the professional aspects of blogging. I got my first Tots100 ranking in May. It was bad.
Mainly I guess for two reasons - firstly because my SEO was in the toilet. And after two months of trying to fix it, it is still rooted there quite firmly. Apparently I don't get it and it doesn't get me. Google is the bane of my existence. And second, because my Kred/Klout was down there keeping my SEO company. What is Kred/Klout you ask? Why is she cursing us? well I've found out about them myself a month ago, when my ranking fell even lower (didn't think it was possible, and yet there it was). They are the internet's way to decide how "important" you are, based on your social media activity. According to the internet, I am not. at all.
After trying tirelessly this past month to improve both these grades, I can say that they are absolutely right. I am not important.
This month I've managed to improve my ranking marginally, and am now sitting comfortably in the "will never amount to anything" column.
During this past month of trying endlessly to be social (working on the assumption that if you are social you are important) I did manage to prove a long standing theory about myself - I am not a social person. It's not that it comes as a shock, after all up until about a month and a half ago I had 80 followers on Twitter. And most of them where there because Hidai & I share a Twitter account. Most our Facebook friends are Hidai's friends. And we have about 5 people on Google+ who aren't family. I am awkward in social situation, horrible at small-talk, lacking in the superficial charm department, don't do fake niceness, and have the worst poker face (also, not really good in Poker. But I have a killer Black Jack game). I actually like not needing to talk to anyone for days. All these endearing traits, which are responsible for my having less than ten friends in the whole wide world, are not considered an asset when coming to build an online persona. Or friendships. How do people build friendships anyway?
For me, Twitter looked like high-school. Or a really big water-cooler. I've been out of high-school for a while now, and even when I was there I adored my "almost" status - I was almost in every crowd, and that way I never needed to be in any of them (except with the few friends I did love).
Trying to find my place in Twitter felt like being the new kid in a gigantic high-school, or group. I felt lost. On Twitter everyone has a better life, better kids, better sense of humour, and a better blog. Everyone gets invitations to amazing events, and PR emails and calls that offer them free stuff and sponsorships for things, everyone has kids that let them write all day, contests they win, high rankings in every directory, blogs that win awards, everyone were blog of the day/week/month/year somewhere, they have thousands of followers and, you know, a perfect life.
I know it's not reality, and that everyone chooses what to portray to the world, but I've had a few too many "everything in my life is perfect" real people lately, and combined with a few unsuccessful days where I felt the world (and eBay, and a certain blogging directory) hates me personally, that I will never amount to anything and that my blog is actually getting smaller by the minute.
Hidai was busy with work, the kids were just starting their summer-holiday (also known around here as "MUUUUUUUMY holiday"), Yon was sick (literally. On the floor. On the couch. On himself) and I sent a message to the universe of needing a little good vibes, good news, and positive reinforcements.
The universe sent me silence. 
And then I got some family-loving, a kiss from Ron (there is nothing quite like a child's kiss don't you agree? I always try to steal more kisses from them. Which, I guess is why I get less), and a small act of kindness. 
I got flowers, sunshine and a hug, that were all virtual, but were so very real to me. I guess because that small act of kindness made me feel that I do matter, that no matter what the internet says I am important, and it made me think that maybe, just maybe, there is still hope.

this is how trying to write looks like in my house these days