Showing posts with label Asperger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Asperger. Show all posts

March 5, 2015

Rare Disease Day

Last Saturday was Rare Disease Day 2015, which I guess most people don't know about unless, like me, they have a child that fits the category and a Facebook feed full of people whose children fit the category. Sometimes I miss the days before we knew about Rare Disease Day, World Sight Day, Autism Awareness Month, Jeans for Genes Day, and so many other days... It used to be that Ron came back from school with a note saying we are having a red/blue/green t-shirt day for this or that cause. Please donate a pound. And all we cared about was how are we supposed to find a green t-shirt in the next 24 hours. Ron is a redhead - he doesn't look good in green.
Nowadays, I get emails and messages and requests to write about each and every one of these days, nowadays I don't understand why they didn't collect money in our school here for Rare Disease Day (or any day for that matter), nowadays I don't know how it is possible to not know about these days and their meaning for other people.
Nowadays I measure everyone and everything with relation to how they treat people, and mainly children with special needs.
And yet, today is Thursday and I am just now managing to finish writing about Rare Disease Day, because I can't seem to be ok with Albinism being part of Rare Disease Day. I have a really hard time with calling albinism a disease, because if albinism is a disease, that means Yon is sick. And Yon is not sick. On the other hand, every time I tell someone new about Yon's ocular albinism they take two steps backwards, like somehow it's or he or me are contagious. Like the fact that Yon's brain doesn't produce melanin can magically transport itself to the other person's brain and he will suddenly start growing blonde-white hair.
It took me all day (ok, I also got into a fight with my computer and couldn't fit the photo in the frame, which I knew I know how to do, and which eventually took me over an hour to fix) but I did join in the campaign, because at the end of the day I can't sit on the sidelines and not join something I support with all my heart just because I have a hard time with the labelling.
And I do, I have a hard time with labelling albinism as a disease, a condition or a disability. It doesn't make it any less true. I have a hard time getting the image of a sick child, or the meaning of a "diseased" child out of my head. But this is the point of Rare Disease Day - to make us understand that what we think of as a disease is not the only correct image.
For me Rare Disease Day is about two things -
It is about reminding us of the fact that medicine, like everything else, is a business. The Rare Diseases out there, or the "Orphan diseases" are the ones that gets dumped to the end of the line - there aren't enough patients to merit spending time and money and resources looking for a cure. But those "not enough patients" are people - dads, mums, children. It is so easy to look at numbers and statistics and say hey it's just 1:200,000 people... It is a very cold comfort for the people who has the condition, to their families, to the people who have to say once and again - no, there will be no cure for that, no one is even looking. Trust me, I say it often enough.
And most importantly - and the reason why I write about Yon so much in this blog, the reason why we tell people about albinism, the reason why I join in every campaign is that people are afraid and hateful and uncaring for what they don't know. Just today I read in Blind Children UK that new research shows that almost half the parents they asked would not invite a child with sight impairment or blindness to a party or a play-date. How many of these people ever saw a child with sight impairment? How many people do you know who has albinism? We have doctors treating Yon who never saw a person with albinism. All everyone knows is the mental image we have from the movies, from the books (like The De Vinci Code or The Heat), where to call what they depict incorrect will be an insult to the word. We are afraid of what we don't know, and the mental image we create of that thing. For the same reason watching the movie after reading the book is always a let-down (and not just because usually the plot in the movie sucks) - the onscreen image is always different than the one we created in our mind. The same is true for the real-life image. This is why we need days like Rare Disease Day, this is why we need inclusion, this is why we need to know.
I have a lot of people on my Facebook and in life who will not "like" or like this post or any post I write about Yon, who don't care, or don't understand or think I am putting him "out there" too much and flaunting his differences instead of being quietly relieved that he "doesn't look different", that I can hide his albinism, or the Asperger. It is easier to "like" a cute cat video, it is easier to share a photo of a cake, than it is to understand how hard it is for kids like Yon to fit in, and how the fact that he does is a miracle. How we can talk for hours about the fact that he decided to learn how to go down the stairs. How amazing it is every time he recognises us from afar, and how when I changed my coat the other day and he didn't recognise me it broke my heart.
It is so much easier to send our kids to a school where everyone "is like us", where they (and mostly we) won't have to encounter anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, anything that will force us to explain to our children about differences and specialness and other ways of life.
It would be so much easier for me to hide Yon's differences, to have him labeled a lot of other things, but not disabled, or blind, or Autistic. But I won't.
Because our children, my child, are not diseased. They shouldn't be hidden and banished to a dark corner or swept under the rug. They shouldn't be a dirty little secret to be hidden from the world. They should be celebrated and congratulated and embraced.
Because it is our children - the sick, the different, the Special - who makes society into humanity.

Read more »

October 13, 2014

Learning to ride a Bicycle

Days like today, when it's been raining for hours nonstop, Hidai is travelling, and the universe keeps sending me negative emails, these days are the best time to find a positive thought and hold on to it. Well, actually these are the days to get into bed with a (very) big box of chocolate (or cookies. Or cake) and turn on the TV. But seeing how Hidai is travelling and someone will have to go out in the rain and get the kids home, thinking positive thoughts will have to do for now.
Since I'm fresh out of positivity right now, I've decided to write about the big project we had this summer - We decided to teach Yon how to ride a bicycle.
Riding a bike is such a small thing, it shouldn't warrant a post I guess, but with Yon it is so much more - it is (warning! Schmaltzy comment ahead) one small proof that he could do whatever he sets his mind to. Yes, it is a small leap from riding a bike to ruling the world!
Up until now Yon has never shown any interest in being anywhere but standing firmly on ground (or at least if he is on a scooter, having someone else pull him along), and with his Ocular Albinism and Aspergers we accepted the fact that he will not be able to learn how to ride a bicycle (or a scooter, or a skateboard, etc), but his Reception teacher told us at the end of last year that he really likes the tricycles at school. It took him all year (apparently. We knew nothing about it) to master it, but he did, and he rode around the schoolyard freely.
Our first reaction, naturally, was doubt (okay, we didn't believe a word she was saying), so we politely asked her if we could get a demonstration of Yon on the tricycle, and since she is a very nice person (who also knows that we will just keep asking) she let Yon show us how wrong we were.
It was amazing, seeing him race around the playground, not hitting anything, making all the turn, stopping on the correct spot. But more than that it was amazing seeing his enjoyment.
The next week we bought him his first real bicycle - red ones with flames painted on them - and decided to teach him how to ride.
Hidai assembling the bicycle
How do you teach a child with about 40% vision to ride a bicycle? Well, you make sure there are not a lot of people around... To be honest we did it the way we taught Ron how to ride - we bought him slightly small bicycle so he will feel more secure (and so he won't have too much speed) and started him off with training-wheels and about 30 minutes of "bicycle-time" every day for 10 weeks in our communal area (that is big, flat, and doesn't have lots of people walking around).
It took him a few days to catch the whole mechanic of the thing - starting, paddling, turning and stopping - but after that he was free as a bird, riding around without a care in the world.
Yon has no sense of fear, or that he has to look where he is going, so he rides like he walks - talking nonstop and without looking anywhere near where he is going, which for the rest of the world could be a little heart-attack inducing, but for him is perfectly natural.
We did try to let him ride on the street a couple of time, but Hidai had to run next to him the whole time and ward off unsuspecting soon to be bicycle accident casualties. So we got back to communal-area riding.
After about three weeks we decided it was time to take his training wheels off, and though it may seem like it was an easy and logical decision, we were petrified, and worried, and not at all sure Yon will be able to learn how to ride a bicycle without the training wheels. Balance is not his strong suit.
I won't lie, it wasn't easy. Poor Hidai had to run with him, providing balance, for about two weeks, until Yon finally got it. I suspect some of it was due to the fact that we find it so hard to let go, and that Yon enjoyed having Hidai run after him.
Teaching Yon how to ride a bike gave us a rare insight to his vision. With Yon you'd never guess that his vision is as bad as it is. He never falls or bumps or asks about things he doesn't see well. He has managed to teach himself so many techniques of dealing with the world, that you really believe he sees everything, even when you know he doesn't. The only time we see how much he doesn't see is when we take him to the hospital. He can't fake his way through an eye-test.
Then and when he rides his bike. When we took away his training wheels, turning and going through the big metal gates we have around the building became impossible for him. He just couldn't see or even estimate how wide his turn should be or the width of the gate opening. We practiced for weeks, going through the gates in and out, turning again and again, so he should learn how to "feel" the turn.

But he did get it, and as silly as it sounds, it was one of my proudest moments as a parent seeing him ride his little red bike all on his own.

Read more »

June 18, 2014

Asperger

They lead us into a bright room and invite us to sit on uncomfortable chairs arranged in a circle so it's not so formal, after all we're here to "chat", and it all feels so surreal. They look at us, and start scribbling. What are they writing? There are three of them, who do I look at? Why is it so bright in here?
Do they think a bright light makes getting bad news easier?
They are all polite, and kind, and talk to us in that voice that makes me feel like they think I'm an idiot. And they all keep looking at us and writing.
Is this a test to see how we react? How does one reacts?
How are you supposed to react when they tell you "and this is why we think JonJon is on the spectrum, and has Asperger"? What is the right way to react?
We argued with them.
Typical Yon
This is what it all came down to - five years of wondering, a year and two months of waiting for the assessment and finally five meetings in the last four weeks - those three little words. Yon has Asperger.
Because having Ocular Albinism and being partially blind isn't enough.
So we told them they are wrong. He has "blindism" which is due to the fact that blind (or partially blind) people have some traits that you also find in people with autism. Besides, it is a known fact, we told them, that everyone is on the spectrum and that there is a tendency today to over-diagnose. And lastly we told them he is getting better - a year ago he was so much worse, so if he has gotten so much better in the span of a year, maybe this time next year he'll be even better, maybe next year he will be "normal".
On the way to the last assessment
We came into that bright room prepared to hear he is on the spectrum, and we came prepared to fight it tooth and nails. We were ready for this argument, after all we have the winning card - Yon's vision. How much do we really know about what goes on in the head of a five years old who is partially blind? How much does any of us really knows about blindism? not much, which is why you can feel comfortable in saying that it affects most areas of his life - food issues, routine issues, gross and fine motor skills, inability to stand in the queue, needing to explain everything that is going to happen in great details, noise and touch issues, and trust me I can go on. But then there are the things you can't explain with his vision, those same things that got us to that assessment room in the first place, those things that made us look at him and wonder. No amount of trying could make us relate his communication problems, his social issues or some of his behaviours to his vision. Believe me, we've tried. And then there are the things we didn't even know were a problem - his ability to do the same activity for hours, his tendency to quote word for word movie scenes, his playing imaginary games with himself but not with others, to name just a few.
During the assessment
They never argued with us, they nodded and said "of course, you are right" to everything we said. They just kept on going, listing more and more things that Yon does, things they saw and things we and his teacher said, and with every thing they said we nodded and said yes. With every thing they said our arguments got weaker, the room became brighter, and our hearts became heavier, it weighs a ton, that one word - Asperger.
It wasn't that it came out of nowhere, that we were blindsided, it wasn't like that word just "fell" on us without being prepared. In the last year and a half we've made so many changes in our family-life to fit it to Yon, we didn't even notice how much we accommodate Yon's needs until they actually said that there is nothing else they can suggest we improve. No, it wasn't the shock or the "how did we not see that" or even that it took more than a year to get to the final and official diagnosis.
We needed that time to come to grips with the albinism, we used that time to make so many changes and improvements to his life and ours, we were ready for it now, which was not the case last year.
And yet it weighs a ton. All of this somehow makes it worse. We hoped, really really hoped that all the improvements and growing up Yon made meant we've tipped the scale and he will be on the other side of the border, because yes, while it is true that we are all on the spectrum there is still a line, a border that devices those who get the diagnosis and those who don't. Oh, how we wanted him to "just" be weird & eccentric.

It is not the shock of hearing something you didn't think you'd hear, it's the finality of hearing the words out loud. 
It is the fact that it is no longer "YonYonism", it's Autism. It is that I still feel like I did last April when we started down this road - I blame myself. It might be stupid, but these are our genes that are causing this, all of this. We are the reason that he starts life at a disadvantage, that he will have to fight more, overcome more, be Special. We are the ones that are supposed to give our kids the best start to life, the best options and opportunities. We are supposed to protect our kids from all bad things. We failed him. Twice.And it is that there is just something so darn sad about this last official stamp.

Read more »
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...