Spring - Facebook, Projects and Fun

I have a Facebook page! I am live on Facebook! And as you can see I am totally cool about it. Please like me on Facebook... If you will like me on Facebook you will get even more interesting insights into my life, insights that let's be honest - you just can't live without! Like the one where I watched the full Lord of The Rings movies for ten straight hours and now every time we wait for the grocery shopping delivery guy to go up the stairs, after we buzzed him through 3 gates, and there is nothing left to do but stand at the door, rolling up our sleeves and taking a deep breath, we recite "you are soliders of Gondor  and whatever comes through that gate, you will stand your ground!"
Please like my page, even though you now think I'm weird...

This is how I spent last Saturday - watching all of the Lord of The Rings movies on Hidai's computer

It seems that Spring is here, at least in spirit if not in actual weather... It's been cold and snowy the whole of March and the beginning of April though is sunnier but definitely not warmer, though there is always hope that by July we will see the double digits again... Then why am I talking to you about Spring when it is so obvious it's yet to make an appearance in the UK? Because like I said, it's here in spirit, mainly in me being in serious "projects mode". You know, like Spring cleaning, just without the cleaning (yet. It was postponed for tomorrow because we woke up at 9 today. Yes I said 9. The kids slept until 9). My first project was the Facebook page. Did I mention that I have a new Facebook page for the blog? no? well...

Kids pretending it's Spring by playing outside

Anyway, the other big project I undertook was the fixing of Yon. As you know we had a really big shock with everything Yon related - medical and behavioural, and because we agreed to ask for a formal psychological assessment, we had to feel some very long forms that details everything in his life. Actually the nursery teacher and school psychologist did that and Hidai & I just went over what they wrote and added / corrected where needed. It was horrible seeing everything in writing, and even though I know it always looks worse in these forms, it was very very bad, it was like another shock to the heart all over again. Also we got word back that the specialist from the outreach program our teacher found will observe Yon on the 15th, which is his first day back in nursery after 2.5 weeks at home. So I embarked on a Fix Your Yon program, and my objective is to fix as many of his quirks as I possibly can - and that is how I found myself sitting across the table from him trying to decide what was the best option to make him abandon the straw and start drinking from a cup like a normal person. I looked at him, while considering all my options - bribes, pleading, threatening, and in the end I opened my mouth and what came out was "well... You will need to start drinking without a straw from now on, so... go for it" and he did! I was so surprised, I can't even explain how much... The thing is, up to that day if you even hinted at a no-straw situation he would freak out and start screaming and crying, and now within 2 days he came to terms with it, and he enjoyes the whole clapping-cheering-"I won"-situation he has going on... After the drinking success I decided to tackle the getting himself dressed issue in which every turn used to be "mummy's turn", and within one afternoon became "Yon's turn".
Encouraged by my huge (and might I add surprising) success, I turned my attention to trying new food, and in the last week he ate whole plates of new things without fighting, shouting, crying or saying "I don't like it"... Lastly we eliminated the whole "not saying what I want, I just point and get it" situation that was becoming somewhat annoying. I am planning on giving back the nursery a new & improved Yon 2.0 (or at least 1.5).
With Ron my projects are easier, we are reading The Hobbit, studying Maths, and working on moderation (you don't have to memorize the whole book just because I asked you to tell me what you read today) and taking life just a little less seriously (well, I don't think the hour long conversation I had with him about budgets, loans, interest rates and savings helped, but he is such a delight to talk to I couldn't help it...).
I got an ice-cream maker from my parents, and my next culinary project is ice-cream! I will totally ignore the fact that we are still very deep into the single digits, and the fact that everyone still has a semi-cold, and make lots and lots of ice-cream because I've wanted an ice-cream maker for ages and I will not let reality destroy my ice-cream dreams (and beside, I keep the house on around 25 degrees Celsius at all times, so it's warm enough to eat ice-cream).

Ice-cream maker! So exciting!

The Birthday Season has officially started yesterday with Hidai's birthday, then in May I have Ron and myself and in July it's Yon's. Each birthday requires one heart shaped chocolate cake with chocolate sauce, writing and decorations; 10 "Birthday Boy" balloons; 3 birthday cards; and gifts. Hidai got to go to the Arsenal match (they won, an added bonus), he got a manly bookmark and chose to choose his own birthday-present-clothes, so it was a relatively easy birthday to organise. Ron is a different matter all together. He is by far the most difficult to shop for or to organise things for. He is the most amazing child, but asking for things is not his strong suit. I know a lot of people will trade places with me but when it gets to his birthday it can be a bit problematic. He doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't want a party but he wants to celebrate, he only loves football and there isn't a match close enough to his birthday, my parents are coming from Israel especially for his birthday, and it's a bank holiday. It ends up being a military operations, or like I wrote yesterday in my scheduling email - there will be shirts in the end saying "I survived Ron's birthday" :). All his presents have been chosen and are either hidden away in the house or on their way, we chose to take him (and all the rest of us also) to the Warner Brothers Harry Potter tour as a birthday celebration (which leads to another project - watch all 8 Harry Potter movies with Hidai so he knows where we are going. I already watched them of course), he chose which cake to take to school, and there is a 4 days tight schedule for everything and everyone. Thank God I have 2 months before Yon's birthday...

Mazal Tov Hidai :)

Have fun this Easter. Yes, it's a project, because for me everything is a project... I need to prepare the venues, the budget, and the time-table. We decided that Easter is a great time to go out and about, to remember that yes, a 20 minutes tube ride will get you to the heart of London, and there is so much we haven't done or seen. So much fun things we still need to do in London, and Spring is the best time to do it. Also, we won't have another long family-holiday until Christmas, so we can't pass up this opportunity. I won't elaborate, first because we still haven't done much - between the Bank Holiday, and some weather-health-work-cleaning the house issues we still had one more indoor day, and second because I am hoping to have a whole post just for Easter things because of all the fun we will have.

Easter fun has to start with Easter eggs right?

And lastly, I bought flowers. Daffodils to be exact, because they are yellow, and lovely, and so so Springy. They came all closed-up and disappointing, but I put them in water and within a day I had Spring in the house. I wish other things in life were like that also, but I don't care - I have yellow sunny girly flowers. All is good in the world.

My flowers

Oh, yes, did I mention I have a Facebook page?

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February Happy List

I want fun. I need fun.
The truth is that I've been feeling a little down for the past week or so. I've been in this - life is hard, there is no light at the end of the tunnel no matter what you do - kind of mood. As always there are good reasons for this feeling, and as always I know this too shall pass, but I find I am sick and tired of everything being so tough all the time. I hate this feeling that life is a battle field. Like I told Hidai this morning in a fit of desperation - it's just not fun.
And so, after staring at my computer for an hour (or two) and still being stuck at level 147 in Candy Crush Saga (very addictive), I discovered the sad sad truth - playing video games gets you nowhere in life. Also true for staring at Facebook. Just saying.
I decided that what I really need is a pick-me-up, so I designed a plan for an "all me - all fun weekend" which is divided into four parts:
Part one (this part) compile February Happy list, because I found a saying I liked that goes something like - not every day can be good, but you can always find good in every day.
Part two, comfort food, which will include actual food (a shocker I know), 2 tubes of Ben & Jerry's, a cake (the moment my new mixer will arrive today - don't get excited, the old one broke down) and all the chocolate I can eat (which is a lot. A lot).
Part three, at least three Romance novels, which is one of my two preferred literary genres - Romance and spy novels.  I know I'm shallow, but what's wrong with a little Happy-ever-After (or some blood-shed for that matter)?
Part four, The Hobbit DVD tonight because I am also a Tolkin fan (okay, a geek at heart. Don't judge me, so is Hidai). Oh, and popcorn.
Since I already dug into the Ben & Jerry's so maybe I should have added sport-doing to my list. Some people claim sport can help with the mood. I do not share this point of view though, and that is why even though we will be exercising this weekend it is not part of the pick-me-up plan
(all dependent of course on me not catching Yon's flu...)

So these are the things that made me smile this month...
On the first week of February
Ron went bird watching with his class in the park and enjoyed nature (a first) and also I caught a glimpse of them going back to school when I was going to pick up Yon, and he was so cute;
we started a weekend exercise regiem (Pilates and running), well that part did not make me smile (unless you consider my facial spasms as smiles) but the results and the being able to eat with no guilt, that made me smile;
we went to see Ron's math lesson in school, where both Hidai & I became devoted followers of his teacher;
we spent some time down memory-lane and looked at all the kids' baby pictures;
the kids enjoyed playing "babies" and demanded we (Hidai) hold them and cuddle them like babies;
Arsenal won, which made my boys smile, and kept the dinner table conversation on the weekend civil and happy;
Hidai got an email from LinkedIn saying he has one of the top 1% most viewed profiles for 2012 and was busy working hard on his new (and only) hobby - his  Facebook  football group;
Yon learnt to play Uno (Taki) and is actively playing the WII (without cheating, or bossing Ron around);
I got a blog-related question from a reader and wrote the new Kids and Moving page;
we ate pizza :)

Looking at Ron's baby photos

On the second week of February
I went to Goldern Green to fill the house with Israeli food and with Purim accessorises which Yon was very happy to test-drive;
Ron's best friend came to visit, and also Uri & Ev;
we still exercised;
Arsenal won again;
Ron had a France show-and-tell in school in which he was less nervous;
we had Shrove Tuesday - also known as an excuse to eat pancake for dinner day, and how can you not smile about that?
Ron handed in his Israel presentation and got top marks for it, which made us all very happy because he worked really hard on it, and was very excited and nervous about presenting it to the class;
we had some light snow;
we had Valentine's day with pizza, ice-cream, wine and a card;
and we found a baby snail on the way home.

Baby snail

On the third week of February,
Ron had an Ice-Cream Party at school because they had 100% attendance;
we had lovely sunshine which Yon & I enjoyed very much;
we continued with our weekend exercise regiem;
we survived the kids half-term with a time-table that worked like magic;
I played checkers with Ron and won! which was really very surprising, and so I managed to save face and keep my all-knowing facade;
we went to the dentist and got good news for Ron who was so happy to have "a grown-up tooth in a child's mouth" but a bit worried about our dentist's instruction to eat chocolate only once a week (we explained when we got home that the instruction s quite rigid and not what is going to happen in our house - we formally have once a day);
the last of my 2012 albums is ready to print, a point that makes me smile just because it was starting to be a little hell coping with all the photos mess;
Ron drew me an I love you card,
Yon got in the habit of playing "going to sleep", a game in which he and I, well, go to sleep. Usually on the floor, but he does bring his blanket and pillows and his animals of course; apart from the 5 minute power naps I get out of it, I also get a very cuddly child who just begs for hugs and kisses;

The dreaded checkers board - next up is poker and black jack :)

On the last week of February,
we celebrated Purim with all the trimmings - costumes, music, games, food, photos. It was the kids idea and they loved it, and made me so happy;
I found the perfect recipe for the Purim cookies. I loved it, the kids loved it, Hidai loved it and Hidai's team at work loved it;
Ron and Hidai went to the Arsenal match, and had some snow, hot chocolate and a win (thank god);
Hidai had 2 school governors meetings and is now very informed school-wise and has great connections with the head-teacher;
we were very good and finished the month with a budgetary plus (according to plan);
we had a full month of exercise and are now shrinking our way nicely (and also we eat so much junk apparently);
we ate Purim food, Burekas, semolina pudding, and Hidai brought me Reese's Cups and plenty of M&M's because I was feeling down and he knows me so well :)

Hidai & Ron on their way to the match

This is it, I love making these Happy lists because they make me focus on all the little things that happened this month, all the good things, and reminds me that actually even though it did not look like it this morning, I did have plenty of opportunities to smile on February.
Yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and now that my new mixer has arrived I can bake a cake that does not require a mixer :)

I will leave you with two things, first is my Instagram, if you like my photo obsession and want to see more - orli_hidai
and second, because I found it while making sure I am writing the phrase pick-me-up correctly, and Hidai said I should keep it somewhere for later use (and because you know the truth, I am a sucker for motivational quotes) - “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed” (Michael Jordan)

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So, What Do You Do All Day?

This week I got asked the one question I absolutely hate being asked - "so, what do you do all day?" I can't remember a time in the last 10 years, ever since I left the mainstream career advancement path, that I did not hate or dread this question.
I had many answers over the years - studying, self-employed, nothing, laundry and Hidai's favourite answer "whatever she wants". For some reason none of those answers ever inspired anyone to take me seriously.
When people hear "stay at home mum" (which is in fact the short answer I learned to give to the "what do you do in life" question, because it's the easiest and a tried and tested sure-fire way to make sure they won't ask anymore questions), they instinctively think less of you. You either couldn't make it in the real world, or you lack ambitions, or - let's face it - you are just plain boring. They don't care how many University degrees and professional courses you have under your belt, how many languages you know, or how many self-employed businesses you had to this day. They assume you will just want to talk about your kids all day.
Which is true, I do prefer to talk about my kids than tell people what it is I do all day.

The truth is, I did not leave a big, important job, or a carrer path, or sacrificed whatever it was I wanted to do at the time for my kids. No. I left the mainstream world of working life 2 years before I even had Ron, long before we started trying to have kids. Before we even got married. Because the truth is I just did not want to be part of that world and I was fortunate enough to find a life-partner who loves me for all my crazy.

It took me years to be able to stand tall and face all the criticism and judgment and belittling comments, and say yes, I hate working in conventional things and places so I have my own thing; or that yes, I love studying really practical things that I will never work in later and unpractical things that no-one can ever use later; or just that yes, I don't work. Not unemployed, not looking for a job, not a stay at home mum, not a homemaker, not self-employed. Just not working.
But that usually leads to the "so what do you do all day" question.
And most people find what I do all day silly, or a waste of time or money, or just unimportant. So I stopped giving a straight answer, and am usually stuck with the laundry answer. And then they turn to Hidai (probably feeling sorry for him for having such a boring wife who spends all his hard-earned money) and talk to him as if I am not in the room, about "grown-ups" things like work, and meetings, and computers and internet. You know, things I don't understand anything about. These people will usually get a very long and detailed lecture about my kids. Just because I can.

But this time I was asked by a stay-at-home mum who is on a relocation to a different country. I said, what is easiest to say in these situations - well, Yon only goes to nursery until 12, so you know... Ask me in a year when he goes to school until 3:30pm. It was my reflex answer, and one I kind of regretted after, because I know first hand how many women feel guilty about being at home, especially if you have kids at school / nursery age and strictly speaking you could work like a normal person. I saw so many women over the years that found it hard to cope with the guilt over it, which sometimes led them to do things like have another baby just so they have a legitimate reason to stay at home, or tell people for years that they are "in-between jobs at the moment", or talk for hours about their old jobs, or blame it on their husband and kids. I met very few who were happy. I guess I should have told her the truth, that I do whatever makes me happy at every given moment (okay, maybe except for cleaning day). I should have said it's an opportunity to find whatever it is you wanted to do and put off for "later" and do it. I should have said life is too short for guilt.

I bet I know what you are thinking, because you will not be the first to think it, or to say it - that I am irresponsible, that I am childish, that I am very lucky Hidai makes enough money I can afford to be irresponsible and childish, that if I held a proper job we would not be in a financial "situation", that if Hidai leaves me tomorrow I will not be able to get any job because I am unqualified for... Anything, and the killer - what kind of an example are you setting for your kids? and I guess it's all true, to a point. You know what, I spent years defending my decisions, years wasted in explaining and answering all those points above, years of hearing people criticise my life choices behind my back and to my face. And in the end I stopped. Stopped explaining, stopped defending, stopped telling people what it is I do all day.

But if you must know, I hope that this is exactly what I teach my boys - that the sky is the limit. That you should go for what you want and realise every last one of your dreams. That you can do whatever the hell makes your life happy at the moment. And that yes, you pay a price for your choices, but everybody pays a price. Just choose whichever price you can afford.

So what do I do all day these days? well, Yon goes to nursery till 12...

A big part of what I do all day...

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On Homes and Yons

Ten days into February. It has been a weird one.
I started writing this post in my head a couple of days ago, then yesterday I sat down to put my words on paper (so to speak), and here I am now, and I have 3 different posts. One was happy, one was reflective, one was just plain sad. Like I said, a weird one.

We have a Facebook friend, she isn't really a real-life friend, who's daughter was born with a genetic syndrom that required her to undergo 8 surgeries so far, and caused her some cognitive and developmental problems. We learned about that when she wrote all that on Facebook as a part of a "birthday card" for her daughter's third birthday. Today she commented on an article about another family with a child who suffers from the same thing, and posted it again on Facebook. It completely changed what I wanted to write about. I used to think about stories like that that they are sad, unfortunate, unlucky, terrible or whatever, and then move on with my life. I can't do that anymore. Now when I read a story like that it totally shutters my defences, my wall of repression and denial that I try so hard to build and cultivate. Yon's situation is very far from that, and by no mean is he considered a special needs child, but he will forever be "special" and not in the good way. We've been taking Yon to doctors, specialists and hospitals every 6-8 weeks since the day he turned six months old, but we've been watching him and worrying about him almost from the day he was born. We've been to doctors in Gib, Spain, Israel, London. We've had him struggle through painful tests, unfriendly doctors, hours in waiting rooms, and so many strangers that want answers he can't give. We went through the shock of discovering our six months old baby has a squint, will need glasses forever, might lose his eyesight in one eye, and might need an operation that nobody can guaranty will help. We've struggled with the guilt that it took until he was 10 months old to get him the glasses. On top of that we now have to deal with discovering that he also has a genetic condition that will leave him partially blind forever. How partially? Nobody knows. Right now he has 70% sight. There is nothing we can do to help. Nothing. Except continue to take him every 6-12 weeks to the doctors, for... Forever.
So we build a wall of denial and repression. Otherwise we keep watching him. Otherwise we keep feeling sorry for him. Otherwise we can't cope when well meaning people asks us how is he. Otherwise we keep blaming ourselves for our bad genes, for not discovering it sooner, for the 4 months it took the doctors to decide he needs the glasses, for everything. This wall is shaky at the best of times, and is very hard to build again after every visit to yet another doctor, or after yet another set of bad news, or after every time we discover how bad his eyesight really is. We have one month and four days before his next appointment, with yet another new specialists, who will probably want another set of tests... I should be in the middle of my denial period. This is usually the stage where my wall is the strongest. But I find that every doctor visit, every month that pass, every piece of bad news, they all chip away at my wall. My wall is cracking. Having a "special" child, and in this regard I don't think it matters why or how he is different, and I know we got off easy, but still, it weighs on you. It is not something you can be optimistic about. Positive about. To be able to deal with it all I need my wall.

My Yon

We've had a few things this week that raised the "home" issue. Not home as in the apartment we live in and being able to make rent. Home in the big sense, as in the feeling of.
Ron's class is learning about different countries in the world, and each child is preparing a presentation on the country he/ his parents/ grandparents came from. Ron is presenting Israel, and in it Haifa, the city we come from and that he was born in.
The kids were in a nostalgic mood and wanted to see baby pictures of themselves, and since we have about a million, it was a very long a trip down memory-lane.
My brother gave us an Israel as Home lecture on Saturday.
I went to Golders Green on Friday to buy some Israeli food and Purim things (Purim, for non-Jewish and a simple explanation, is our Halloween).
When all these things happen together I usually sit down, put on my "Orli When Needed" playlist on iTunes, look at the rain pouring down outside, dig into a big bag of Oreos (can't help it, I have a craving these days...), and think about homes.
The truth is, and sappy as it may sound, Hidai is my home. From the day Hidai and I met we've practically moved in together. Our family is our home. We are not nostalgic people, we don't miss the way things were, the way we were, the places we've been in. Live to the full, No regrets, and Always look ahead. What can I say, when we do look back it is always with a sense of "how the hell did we survive that?!" or "what were we thinking?!" I guess it has something to do with our tendency to do everything in the same time and early on in life. It had led to the fact that we have been through a lot. It had also probably led, at least partially, to us not missing any one point in life. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved looking at the baby pictures, Ron was so cute when he was a baby, especially in the pictures. But I didn't miss it, given the choice I wouldn't want to go back (probably part of the reason there will be no third child here). I wouldn't go back to anywhere and anyplace. There are three things I miss when we leave places: the food, the people and the feeling of belonging somewhere, of knowing. As to that feeling, going back to visits made it clear to us that we don't have that feeling in Israel anymore. We don't feel we belong there anymore, we don't remember how to live in Israel, we don't understand it. As time passes we move far away from the way we lived in Gib, and we don't belong there as well. As for the people, we try and take them with us wherever we go, keep the people we love as a part of our lives. Sometimes it does not survive the distance, the time difference and the gaps in the way we live. As for the food, that is probably where we feel "home" the strongest. Whenever my parents bring us our list of necessities :) or whenever I take a trip to Golders Green, and the house is filled with things we used to eat way back, or things that I can't get used to how they taste here, or things that flood us with memories, that is when we feel a little like we belong somewhere. Where? I don't have an answer for that. We probably don't really belong anywhere. We don't have too many or too strong roots anywhere. Is it sad? Is it hard living like that? I have no answer for that either. It is and it isn't, depends on the day you ask... One thing is for sure though, writing this made me understand why every time Yon wants me to pick an animal myself (instead of the Hippo he usually assigns me), I pick a turtle. My home is on my back, or maybe wherever I lay my hat (and also, as Hidai assured me more than once, I walk very slowly).

As it happen we are also starting now the second half of our first year in London (yes, that is the long way of saying we've been here for 6 months), and as this week reminded us - it's starting to feel a little different all of a sudden. It's starting to feel a bit... Easier. I can't believe it's been six months already, and at the same time I can't believe it's been just six months...
We had a chance to visit Ron's class this week to observe a math lesson, and frankly I was amazed. We've never been inside the classroom, let alone saw a lesson, and it really felt like such a privilege to be able to be part of it, see Ron in action, understand what he talks about when he explains about his day. The classroom was great, so full of light and happiness and love. And the lesson itself. I seriously have to say I worship Ron's teacher. He is beyond amazing, he does such good work with the kids. The lesson we saw could be labeled as math-under-pressure. They have to explain how they are going to answer a series of different questions, to the class, and then answer them in under 4 minutes (and they have a timer. In the class). And still, he kept all the kids interested, engaged, wanting to answer. he never loses his cool, his patience or his smile.

I don't think I can have Ron's class on the blog, so this is Ron working on his Israel presentation

We have 2 weeks of back to regular exercising, which means two things - no one is sick (now that I wrote that someone, probably me, will for sure get sick), and we can eat as much chocolate as we want without feeling guilty (the guilty part is the difference here really).
Hidai got an email from LinkedIn saying he has one of the top 1% most viewed profiles for 2012. Which was very cool :). 
I got my first real blog-related inquiry from someone I don't know, who had a real question, which led to the new Kids and Moving page in the blog. It was very exciting, and made me feel like my blog is growing up :).
This weekend we had visitors, we had my brother & his wife over for coffee and cookies, and Ron had his best friend from his class over after 4 weeks of trying to set up the visit. They were both so excited about it that they haven't stop fighting the whole time...
We had pizza (because Ron was star of the day. I know, we are such good parents. We'll do everything for those kids), and ice-cream , and so much Israeli goods from Golders Green...

My Golders Green bags. This is the photo I sent hidai so he would want to come home :)

Hidai has a hobby. I know it might seem strange, but the last time Hidai had a hobby was somewhere around 2002 I think. He has a Facebook group for football talking, betting, smirking and basically being an idiot with other men. He loves it because it's fun for him. I love it because I don't have to pretend to like football anymore.
Oh, and Arsenal won this week.
We taught Yon to play Uno (all Israeli readers - Taki is called Uno everywhere else). He really likes it, and actually almost doesn't cheat (which is what happens usually in other games...). The success led him to try and do more on the WII, and the computer (he does it all in nursery, but never before at home).

Playing Uno

I had a chance to restart some projects that were waiting patiently for me for the last year or two to have time, patience, and energy. I am very excited about it, and am hoping to still have all three after half-term break next week...
We found money. Doesn't that sound so nice? Yes, we were walking around and found some money. Oh, if only it was true. So no, that is not what happened but we were supposed to get some money in Israel, and not only did we get it on time and without the mandatory 15 phone calls, we actually got a bit more. Always fun :).

Like I said, a weird one.
I just can't seem to make up my mind if it was a good weird or a bad weird...

Being weird (Yon's idea obviously)

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