October 7, 2013

The Chocolate Wagon

Orli, Just Breathe - The Chocolate Wagon
I started writing this post last night, but as it sometimes happens with posts, it didn't turn out quite the way I imagined it going and I decided to sleep on it and finish it this morning. Imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning to find a link to this "article" (really, even with the quotation marks calling it an article is an exaggeration) on my Facebook page. Obviously I read it straight away, and obviously I got slightly upset. It is basically about how fat people have no self-control. And that is why they are fat, and are now trying to hide their inadequacy as people behind "addiction" excuses. But really, what is the difference between eating-addiction to shopping or drinking or working or sex? People get addicted to so many things these days. As a matter of fact, I just read that the NHS estimates 2 million people in the UK are addicted to something.
I've been trying to find a one-liner to summarise the difference between habits and addictions for this post, and in doing so found so many people that "don't believe" in addictions at all, not just the food kind, and very vague descriptions of that difference, and to tell you the truth, it worries me. While I understand and agree that people should take responsibility for their lives and choices, I don't understand why someone would think that calling them fat, or lazy will motivate them to do so. I don't believe acknowledging a difficulty or a disease or an addiction is taking away from the will a person has to find a solution or a treatment or help.
Orli, Just Breathe - The Chocolate Wagon
I tend to call my chocolate eating an addiction. It does tick all the boxes of addiction (according to addiction & recovery org) -
1. Tolerance - do you use it more in time? Yes, I am using more of it over time. I try to go back to one cube or two a day, but somewhere along the way it becomes one pack or two a day.
2. Withdrawal symptoms - when I try to cut down I get physical and emotional symptoms. You really don't want to be next to me if I haven't had any chocolate for a day.
3. Limited control - like last Thursday when I was home alone and ate the whole pack of cadbury chocolate I bought for the kids?
4. Negative consequence - I can't say chocolate cost me my marriage or my job or I lost all my money because of it. I can say it has a very bad influence on my waistline, and health.
5. Neglect or postpone activity - well no, I have to give you this one. No activity needs to be postponed in order to eat chocolate, mainly because you can eat it everywhere and it is very much acceptable.
6. Significant time or energy spent - here it is. My real confession in this post. I hide chocolate. I have a secret stash, and then a secret-secret one. I haven't reached the chocolate in the bathroom stage, but mostly because the way our apartment is built it is the hottest room in the house and it will all melt. I also hide what I eat and its quantity from everyone. If you see me eat in public (and I include in that everything except being home alone), you won't believe me. Had you put a hidden camera in my house though...
7. Cutting down - Every few months I try to cut down (hence the using more in time issue at number 1), I even managed to do it successfully for about 6 months in 2011, but it is a daily struggle. One I am not always winning.
Orli, Just Breathe - The Chocolate Wagon
Now I know, ticking all the boxes isn't really enough to constitute an addiction, I also know that the fact that I am a size 8 makes it really hard to believe me, and lastly I know that the fact that I can calmly and openly write all that down and explain it means that I am aware of it and it might cause you to think I can in fact control it, but choose not to for my own reasons. This is exactly what the self-important professor who wrote the piece for the BBC said, I am using the word addiction to justify my lack of self-control. I don't want to stop and I am applying a "it's not my fault" method to justify my not being man enough to just stop.
The truth is I can write all this, and am not embarrassed or ashamed to tell you all this, because I have been living, and dealing with it through all my life, and I have decided to stop being ashamed of things that are me. And anyway, we are all addicted to something. Why shouldn't it be chocolate?
Orli, Just Breathe - The Chocolate Wagon

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