Birthday Weekend

Birthdays have never been my forte. Not mine anyway. Funnily enough, it is the only day a year in which I get consumed by my what ifs and my regrets and my inadequacies. Imaginary and real ones. It is the only day a year in which I measure myself against an imaginary Other and always comes up short. This is the day in which I feel the world looking at me and going "You again? Let's see what you've achieved this year... Are you sure you want to celebrate that?!". Also, big problem with being told when to have fun. Two reasons, first of all I am never good with the whole being told what to do thing, and second, I find it puts so much pressure on me that I know not only will I not have fun, I will probably screw it up somehow. I actually hate all of them, those "occasions". Also, and it might surprise you, seeing how I open up most everything in my life here in this blog, I don't really like being the center of attention. Okay, you got me, I really hate it, I never know what to do, what to say, where to go. Hate it.
So yes, not a good start for a birthday.
It's a complicated relationship I have with my birthday, and it's a scenario that repeats itself every year. What did I accomplish this year? What do I have to show for myself? Always those same questions, and always the answer is the same - nothing.
That is (mainly) why I keep Hidai around, to remind me that it's (probably) not true. That I do have something to show for myself, and for this last year.
This year was different. I realized something somewhere in the madness that is our lives, I realized I am okay with it all. I am okay with just being, well, me. no fancy degree (oh how I wanted to have a professor or Dr. up there when I was younger), no fancy job title (I did want one of those at a moment or two of unclear thinking), no big financial success to attribute to me (I attribute all our financial disasters to me and any success goes to Hidai). I would lose every contest with someone who walked a more traditional path. All I have to show for me is, well, me. And the truth is, I'm quite fine with it. I think when all is said and done, I turned out to be (and that is our favourite British saying) not too bad.
Do you think it made me be less broody when my birthday finally arrived? of course not. Tradition is, after all, tradition :).
But my boys wouldn't let me wallow and after we said goodbye to my parents (who will be back in September) Hidai decided to turn my birthday into a weekend of very eclectic festivities - we went to the London Zoo for a Special Children's Day, we ate at Jamie's Italian Restaurant in Angel, we went to a flea-market and toured the streets around Angel, my boys baked me a cake and wrote me cards, we drank the last bottle of our favourite wine that my parents brought from Israel, I got the most beautiful bouquet of roses & tulips from Hidai, who also whisked me to a very posh cafe in Covent Garden (Laduree) to have some kids free time and macaroons. And I got so many cards, and mails, and facebook wishes.

The Zoo was better than expected. I mean, I am not a Zoo person, live animals and all that dirt really are not my cup of tea, but I have to hand it to the London Zoo, they really did make us Special people feel welcomed. We had a separate (fast) entrance, a special map of the Zoo, 20% off of everything, and there were so many Zoo people walking around explaining, helping and being generally nice. It was really wonderful. To be honest we were a bit nervous when we got there because maybe they will want to check how Special Yon is, or they will need some sort of certificate or something. Maybe they will decide he is not Special enough? They didn't. They were perfectly lovely. There were so many children with sunglasses (no sun that day), with hats, with canes. So many Special kids. Yon loved the Zoo, his love affair with animals is a never ending story, and he was in over-drive for much of the day. He wanted to touch every animal, he wanted to see every single animal, and seeing the Zebras, the Giraffes & the Penguins, it was the highlight of his day. No, of his life. We were so happy to have given him this day out, and in the same time, it's heart-breaking to ask again and again "Yon, can you see that giant Gorilla?" and know that he doesn't. That the Gorilla is too far for him to see it. That the monkeys move too fast for him to see them clearly, that the iguana looks too much like the tree branch for him to see it distinctly.
It is so hard to know that he can sometimes see more clearly the maps, and the pictures, and the statues than the real animals.
We went with the Healthy-Denial Approach, and even though we knew he can't see things we still looked at them, talked about them, explained it to him, and did not let him feel bad about not seeing some things, we stood at every map or photo, we climbed every animal statue, Hidai took him to the petting-zoo. We enjoyed everything he could see and smoothed over everything he couldn't. In the end, like I said, it was better than expected and I feel so grateful for the London Zoo.

The restaurant was a fluke. We took the bus back from the zoo and realised it stoppes at Angel, and of course we missed the right stop and got off the bus a stop too late, right in front of Jamie's Italian (Jamie Oliver, if you are as clueless as Hidai was). Since we haven't ate lunch (we just ate lots of snacks at the Zoo), and since I've been eyeing it for a while now, we decided to check if they, by any chance, are open on a 5:00 pm to hungry people. I was sure they are going to laugh us right out of there, but no. As a matter of fact, the restaurant was half full, and we could only get a table on the promise that we will leave before 6:30. We did. If you haven't been to Jamie's, then you should :). It's a really nice restaurant, the food was great, the chocolate brownie was divine, the people were kind and nice to the kids. It's just that the chips was... how do I say it politely? don't. Anyway, the kids were really well behaved, the food was lovely, and we were the least dressed people there. I am serious, we were dressed for the Zoo, while everyone else was dressed for a proper Saturday outing...

The Flea-Market, was my way of testing how much Hidai & the kids really love me. Hidai & Ron don't like markets very much, especially on big match days, and Yon, though he really does like "stuff" as he calls wandering around shops, is in constant need of supervision. But because it was my birthday weekend, and "whatever mummy wants, mummy gets", off we went to a very very very disappointing flea market near Angel station. And when I say very, I mean VERY. On the way there we stood for a while at the bus stop, interrupting a man, who was around our age, and dressed very... hipstery like,  who sat there quietly and just stared at us as if we were aliens. As if we were a freak show, or maybe a horror show. It was fascinating. He was so horrified by us and the kids. I actually don't think he saw a live child before. After the unsatisfying flea-market we walked around the tiny street just off-Angel, to see the boutiques, shops, stalls, etc. and that is when we realised it - we were the only people there whose kids were of a walking age. This city, whom I enjoy very much, is constantly making me feel old. It is a city where everyone is constantly trying to remain young, to stretch out as much as possible the years before growing up. And for someone who was always in a hurry to grow up, I look around me and see people my age just starting to accept growing up, just starting to check if they are "ready" to have a family (on a side note, people are not cakes. They are not "ready"), I look around me and feel old beyond my years.

My heart shaped chocolate cake was made (together with my balloons & cards) after Arsenal (thank God) won their last match of the season and we could all breathe a sigh of relief - another football season done. Hidai & Ron got in to a spot of trouble making the cake, but all's well that ends well, and I had a proper cake (even edible). I think next year I'll bake my own though. Easier, faster, and less messy... On the other hand, Hidai did the dishes, so what do I care?

My favourite wine is a sweet desert wine. You can't really say you're surprised can you?

On the actual morning of my birthday we decided to do nothing, because it was a Monday. Who has a birthday on a Monday? It's the worst day of all. But Hidai still got me a gorgeous bouquet of roses & tulips, because he loves me, and because I hinted very delicately that I would love tulips in my bouquet (by going near a flower shop and saying ohhhh, look at those tulips! They are so lovely! I adore tulips! Like I said, hinted delicately).

The last of the celebrations was a little us-time in this little cafe in Covent Garden that we saw in one of the hundred-thousand times we've been there but never tried because it's so not appropriate for kids (especially boys. Especially ours). In fact I don't think we are appropriate for it at all. Everything was so tiny and delicate and French. We felt like elephants... Every wrong move could cause it all to crumble down around us... But the food was so good (especially the brioche) and the macaroons were so so lovely that it made up for the fear in which we sat.

So there you have it - my birthday. It had a few more components that I have to wait awhile before writing about (not pregnant though. Just to make that super clear), and all of it together made it without a doubt a very different birthday to what I'm used to. Different, exhausting, and a lot of fun.
Not too bad.

A very very big thank you to everyone for making it a great birthday :)