April's perspective

Never write while you are feeling unwell. I have just one rule in writing - never write while you are feeling unwell, and I can't even keep that one tiny rule. I wonder what would have happened if I had a list, or a book, or even one piece of paper with rules...

That rule has friends and relatives - never reflect on your life while cleaning; never reflect on your life while unwell; never make big life changing decision while unwell, or while cleaning actually. And yet, I broke each and every one of those rules. Why do I even have these rules? Oh, isn't it obvious? That way when I break them, and the result is always the same - me feeling bad about my life, Hidai could come up to me and say - "Didn't we agree already to never..." So yeah, I keep them basically for the "I told you so", which Hidai will surely say at the end of this post.

Why am I breaking this rule now? honestly, I'm not really sure, I'm sure that when I started writing I had something to say, but somewhere along the first paragraph I forgot what it was, and now all I want to do is bitch about my life, which I assure you was not the original plan. 

2013 is, up until now, not the best year ever, and that is only partially because I am unwell. Actually I think it's one of those weird years where nothing is as you expect it to be and every day you find yourself in the opposite place to where you were yesterday.

Take the Yon for example, last time I wrote I told you about our discussion with the outreach program advisor, which made us look the Ocular Albinism in the eye. I set on a mission and scoured the internet again in the search for apps for the visually impaired to help Yon learn letters, and after 3 days found a few. We downloaded one of them, and he loved it. he was glued to the iPhone for 2 days straight, we could barely get him to stop and eat... And he saw things we were sure he wouldn't, and he really enjoyed playing with the letters and numbers... If you have kids this age who are just starting letters and numbers (and not just ones with vision problems), I really reccomend this app, it's called Giraffe's PreSchool Playground. Of course after I wrote that we got her summery of the conversation. It only took her 10 days, and she conveniently forgot to include us in the recipients so we got it from our nursery teacher. It contained only some of what we assumed it will based on our conversation with her. It made light of the way his vision is affecting his behaviour (I really feel like a broken record here), it made light of the special things he needs, not even mentioning the sitting first in class... The only things mentioned were the hat (which we already gave him right after our talk) and the magnifier glass (again, which we already tried and he didn't like). No apps for the iPad that were promised, no return visits that were promised, explanation for the staff only later in the middle of June... On the other hand she put a very very big emphasis on the fact that he doesn't like to share his animals. He is not even 4. He doesn't like to share the toys that are special for him and make him feel safe. So f@£$%ing what? Yes, I am still upset about that letter. Okay so you think it stops here, but no. Because we then talked to his teacher who finally (only 2 months after we discussed it) made him a pictures time-table, and he finally started going to the music group and the language groups and everything we discussed 2 months ago, and for now it's going great, and last night was the first time since he was born that he had a haircut without crying and shouting all the way through, and asked for hummus on his pitta, which had never EVER happened before.

Yon & his new app

You see what I mean don't you? The ups, the downs, the never knowing what is going to happen next. It's the same in every aspect of life right now, and it's driving me crazy. For some reason it makes life seem very busy and fast paced though when I try looking back at the past two weeks or so, it seems like nothing really happened...
Ron's birthday is on track, almost. His presents are here (including the last one I added this week after I wrapped all his presents and decided it doesn't look inviting enough, so I ordered some more things from Arsenal, because how can he have a birthday without Arsenal gifts?), everything is wrapped and I even bought the other things - candles, balloons, cake ingredients; but we still need to get a handle on all the class festivities thing. It will be the first year I didn't buy him special cupcakes cases and decorations, and I am feeling really bad about it. I know I shouldn't, I know the kids only care about the cupcakes and not the wrappings, but Ron will notice and probably comment on it and I will feel like the worst mother alive, because I don't have a good excuse for not being ready do I? It's not like his birthday wasn't known in advance...
On the other hand, he will get everything he asked for and more, a trip to Warner Brother Studios, and Grandparents for his birthday for the first time since we left Israel. Not too bad I think.

Ron on the way to the tube

Bureaucracy issues are still unresolved and it will probably take a few more MONTHS to get everything in order, and with it our passports back. I won't lie, we had some scary moments this week with trying to understand where we stand and that our legal situation is okay. Don't worry, it's all fine apart from the fact that everything will take longer than expected, will be messier than we would have liked, and in the meantime I can't start planning the trip we want to take to Paris in December for our 10 years wedding anniversary. The Bureaucracy issues are the hardest when you are living in a country that is not "yours", even though we did everything we should have and are perfectly legal and free to live here, every letter in the post, every call on the home number, every day that passes, they all scare you just a little more than they should. The feeling of being an immigrant is not a nice one, and though after a while you don't really feel it on a day-to-day basis (you know your way around, you know the language, the people, the shops, everyone has a funny accent so yours is also fine, you know the TV, the basic culture references, etc.), every time you have to tackle the residency issues it hit you - you are second best, maybe even third, you are an immigrant, and the bureaucracy is not in your favor. Add to that my immense dislike of bureaucracy in any place, shape or reason, and you get a tough situation, one that this time around is taking a very long time to resolve.
Me. Because it's all about me anyway, I had a mixed time as well - the weather was extremely hard on my poor joints and knees and I had to wear FLAT shoes, and take painkillers and do all that physiotherapy electric thing my parents brought me from Israel. I know I already complained about it last time, but the thing is I am not used to it being that bad, and I guess it's the fact that the weather in London is so different to what my body is accustomed to, and it takes it time to adjust. but seriously - flats? in the Spring? Isn't it bad enough I had to walk in those UGGs all winter? I know I come across as this obsessed person, but I don't do flats. Ever. It makes me feel short (just so you know - not really short even without the heels. Just crazy).
So instead of heels, I cut my hair. This time I was going to go to a proper hairdresser, I really was, but then I woke up and decided - hey why not try something new? So I didn't have time to find a hairdresser, and now my hair is shorter and I also have bangs. I think it looks cute, and really good with sunglasses (which is important in the Spring / Summer time). I never used to be so daring when it came to my hair, and though I did change it a few times it pretty much stayed the same for so many years. Nowadays my philosophy is totally different, hair grows, so worst comes to worst - 3 months and it's fine. I feel much more free with this attitude, and I have to say I like it. I just wish I could have implemented the same attitude in other areas of my life...

Hidai, me and the new haircut in Trafalgar Square 

The first few days of May brought with them some people we love who arrived to London on very different circumstances. The first ones to arrive were our very dear friends from Gibraltar that on their way to starting a new life across the pond stopped in London for a couple of days. We haven't met them (in person outside Facebook and Skype) since we moved out of Gibraltar last June, and now they are in a somewhat similar situation to the one we had last year. It felt, in some regards, like looking in a mirror of ourselves last year. All the fear, all the unknown, all the excitement, it was all there on their faces. I know it might sound nuts, but I envy them the fact that they are "before", they are pre new life, they are on the verge. I love the adrenaline and the excitement of this stage, when everything is possible. The moment just before you jump. The moment before you have to deal with reality, with the hard parts, with the problems that comes with this kind of move. The moments before you hit the ground, and you have to start running.

Because I can't put photos of other people - we ate sweet potato chips. In a Steak House. 

The second ones are my parents who are here for two weeks, after 4 months we haven't seen them (in person outside Facebook and Skype). It's been the longest gap we had between two visits, and it's really weird. Visits, and I think I said it already, are at the same time great and tough. They are great because (assuming you love the ones you invite) you get to spend a lot of time with people you love and miss a great deal. They are tough because you have to change and adjust your life to please someone else for a period of time. In the end, there are a lot of things that makes visits a success or a failure, and most of them can be concord with planing, ground rules, and experience. The one thing you can't escape is that visits force you to actually share your life with other people in a way that they can see every little detail that goes on in it. Your life is out there, like an open book. The good, the bad, the things you rather hide. You share all of it, because in 2 weeks of co-habitation you really have no way of hiding anything. On the other hand - you get food, grandparents, and full attention.

Men of the house

So there you have it, the last two weeks. Good ones? Bad ones? You decide. For me, they were unbalanced ones. They were full of drama and unknowns and fears. But also full of success, laughs, and people we love. Hidai says it's all about the perspective, I like to tell you all about the good and the bad because for me, they come together and are what makes life (and blog) interesting and true. I don't feel as if I need to be ashamed of the tough things, or the prices we pay for our choices, or the hurdles we cross, because they are here, they are a part of our story. But Hidai said it's about the perspective, you can tell the story from a different perspective and it would sound completely different. You could say - we moved to London, which was our dream for a long long time, less than a year ago. The kids have adjusted brilliantly, they love the school, they have friends, they enjoy it here very much, and actually it didn't take them long at all to feel at home; Yon gets the best treatment we could have hoped for; Hidai loves his job, and enjoys it very much, he also has his Facebook group, he is a governor in school; I have the blog which is a joy to me, I actually have a friend here (a big big step for me); we exercise regularly, we bake; our budget is improving every month and we are starting to see the light in the end of the tunnel; we managed to do so many of the London things we wanted; we will go to Paris in December. It's all true. Sure.
It's true, it's just not real.