The Thing About Kids...

My brother and sister in law were supposed to come over yesterday, but had to cancel on the last moment due to a food poisoning incident (not ours. You don't get food poisoning from eating too much Ben & Jerry's). My brother & sister in law are in this stage of definitely thinking about maybe they will for sure have kids sometimes in the future. It led me to try and remember this time in my life, and I couldn't really remember how it felt - the moment 9 years ago (wow!) before we decided (actually I think it was just a "let's have kids" "okay" thing, but I am not really sure), how it was while trying (it took a while and needed some medical assistance), how it was to be pregnant (that I do remember. it was hell) and how it was to have a baby. My first baby. If you know me by now you know what will follow - it made me sit down, look at all my pictures, and... make a list. Before I totally forget everything about these early years of motherhood.
So this post is for me and for my brother & sister in law - it's a post that gonna make them nod with pity at my direction and say "yes, sure, my kid will be TOTALLY different" now, and then "oops" later on. This post is about the 22 things I didn't know before I had Ron and I wouldn't believe anyway...

1. It's always Other People's Children. They are the ones that sleep through the night without a problem, the ones that gets the hang of breastfeeding without a hitch, the ones that you can take with you to restaurants because they loooove to sleep in their pushchairs. It's true. It sucks. But remember this - one day, in one thing, you will be the parent everyone will be jealous of. With Ron it happened when he started eating real food. That was the moment we could stop being afraid of the crying and start taking him to every restaurant, shopping mall, coffee shop we wanted. The child just loved sitting down and eating. He ate methodically and slowly, and we could have coffee together outside of the house for the first time in more than 6 months.

Ron waiting for food

2. You forget. This one I remember people telling me, and I also remember not believing them. they were all bad parents in my eyes, otherwise - how can you forget the moment your beloved child says his first word, or has his first tooth, or smile for the first time? Well, much in the same way that you forget the sleepless nights, the non-stop crying and the first time that same beloved child is sprawled in the middle of the street and starts screaming (and he will do that).
3. Your baby will pee on you. Well, at least if he is a boy he will. It doesn't matter how quick and diligent you are with whatever cloth you are using to cover him the moment you take off his diaper, there will come a day, sooner than you think, and usually when you are in a hurry to get somewhere, that he will pee on you. Embrace it.
4. Children's TV shows are very addictive, and you will find yourself transfixed to the screen, watching Bob and actually worrying - Can we fix it???

Ron watching TV

5. Small children have big things. Your lovely house which you spent hours and days and weeks on organizing and on choosing each piece of furniture to fit perfectly in a specific place, that house, will become a shrine to kids. It is amazing how such small beings take up so much space. And usually right in the middle of your living room. After we had Ron we moved to a bigger place (we ran out of space for his things obviously), and he wasn't even crawling yet, but we had this open space apartment so right in the middle of the room, where normal people would put a dining table and a big carpet, we put a 2X2 (meters) "island" with blankets, toys, playgym, etc. It stayed there for about 8 months. After that we were amazed how big our house really is. That was about the time he started walking, hence enlarging the destruction area.

Ron's island

6. Children don't really care how much money you spend on their pushchair. Wait, that one is wrong. They do care. Because there is nothing kids love more then eating messy things in expensive and/or clean places. So when going to buy your first pushchair, just ask yourself - how would I feel when my child throws up right in here. I know, if you have no kids you're now saying "mine will never do that. I will not let my child eat in the pushchair". But you will. Don't worry, this rule also applies to the house you just finished scrubbing, especially if you have windows you just finished cleaning. Somehow tiny tiny handprints will appear out of nowhere (with Yon it usually goes together with a yell "just lookin!")
7. It's all about the one hand capabilities. What can't be done with one hand, will not get done the first year or so. (in relation to 6 - if you can't fold / open the pushchair with one hand don't buy it.) Wait. Correction - you can also use one foot as an auxiliary device.
8. You will find yourself, at one point or another (usually multiple times along the years) staring sadly at your child and saying to your self / partner - I know exactly where he got it from. Or the other version - Is this how I look????
9. Your child will know exactly which buttons to push to get you to do everything he wants, or to annoy you to death. They will have you wrapped around their little finger. They will look at you with their big sad eyes and whisper "I love you mummy", or give you a hug or a kiss, and if all else fail - cry. In the middle of the street. Where there is a crowd looking at you. And 9 times out of 10, you will give them what they want. We are considered strict parents, so crying in the street (as my kids learned) will get you nowhere (it get me to chocolate though), but one of these days Ron will figure out that I can never say No to him when he asks for something...
10. Take an hour to prepare when you want / need to leave the house. It takes that long to change, feed, change, dress, change, and pack a baby and a bag to be able to go out. And no time is a good time to schedule  It's always feeding time or sleeping time or shower time.
11. It doesn't matter how many toys you buy your kids, or how expansive / educational / recommended they are. In the end they will play with the packaging. And with the labels. Kids just can't get enough of labels. In fact, for Ron we had a toy that was all labels :). Oh, and kids also love empty coke bottles, empty wipes packages, plastic bags, and Yon had a door stopper fetish. Basically, any thing that is not the very expensive toy you just spent a fortune on.

12. Ikea. Best place to buy furniture for children's rooms. No. Not because I'm cheap. Because you want to invest in modular furniture that a) you won't feel really bad about young people practicing their drawing, cutting, gluing and peeing on; and b) you will have to change the way the room is set up about every 6 months in the beginning, when you get fed up that all the toys are spilling into every corner of the house. No it doesn't really matter how big is your house.
13. Your children will be dressed better than you. First of all because shopping for kids is so much fun. Their clothes are so so so cute, you can't really not buy them. Second because they need a lot of clothes. They pee, they drool, they spit, they vomit. And all that before lunch, and after they learn to crawl they lave sand, and mud. Third, because, well, let's face it. You haven't showered in 5 days, and haven't combed your hair in three. What do you need new clothes for?
14. Sleep while the baby is sleeping is a myth. Invented by people who did not have to do laundry. Or clean. Or cook. Or shower. Because that is what you will be doing while the baby is sleeping. The real trick is to teach the baby to sleep at night. So another myth is that all babies under a year have to eat at night. Don't listen to myths. Or you will never again get a good night sleep. Or a shower.
15. Sometimes it is hell. So you need a game plan. You need to be strong. And take as many embarrassing photos of your child as possible. And know, just know, that in a few years time he will come home with his girlfriend and then... Then it's Revenge time baby! Oh, and a secret chocolate drawer will help in the meantime. I hear wine is also good, and it also comes without the hypocrisy of not letting your child eat all the chocolate they want and then eating it yourself.
16. Your things are never really baby-proofed. Because you would be surprised at the lengths babies and toddlers go to just so they can destroy your one special memento that you brought back from your honeymoon and guarded with your life (RIP my french blue elephant that sat on the top of the bookcase in the computer room. The highest point in the house. But not when you play football in the house). Also, as an added things - your things are much more interesting than their things. Phones, keys, food - if you touch it, they want it.
17. You will find yourself doing things that were unimaginable just a few short months before your kids. You will sing in the street, run like tigers, talk football, talk to people, dress up, volunteer in school and more.
18. You will find yourself saying things that when you were a child you swore you will never ever say and that only bad parents say, and are unfair, and totally screw your life, and if everyone will jump off the roof will you jump too?!
19. Parents Having Fun Without Me radar. Each baby comes equipped with it, and it's always on. And works perfectly especially in intimate moments. yes it does mean no sex. On the other hand, kids are the perfect excuse to get out of anything you don't really want to do.
20. It's a stage. It will pass. The problem is it will be replaced with something just as difficult to handle. And it is true what they say (at least in Hebrew they do) - small kids, small problems; Big kids...
21. Guilt and worries are born together with your child. Even if you managed to get through the whole pregnancy without being overly worried, you can kiss your worry-free life goodbye. You will worry every minute of every day for the rest of your life. And no matter what you do, how much time you spend with your child, how much you love him, you will always feel guilty. You could have done more. Look at Other People Kids, they are more....
22. There will come a moment you will want to give your baby back; there will come a moment when you will find yourself waiting for the real parents to arrive; there will be plenty of moments when you ask yourself "what the hell was I thinking????"; there will come a moment you will want to shake your baby, or throw him out or whatever. Just remember that the difference between sane people and crazy people is that sane people just think about it.

The thing with kids is, that while you can write all that, and while you can explain all the tangible things that you lose or that will change when you have kids, the most important thing is the one you can't explain. You can't explain the love. The utter perfection that is your child. Quite a few years ago there was a movie with Robin Williams as an older Peter Pan and in order to learn how to fly again he has to find the happiest moment in his life. The moment for him is the birth of his son.
Because children are magic. They are tiny miracles that you created, that you love more than life itself, that you will do everything for. They are, in the end, worth it.

Ron & Yon, a long long time ago