The things (well-meaning) people say

You know how it is that from the moment you are visibly pregnant strangers, friends and other well-meaning people feel its okay to comment about everything concerning you and later your baby?
I bet there isn't a woman alive who haven't heard "from the shape of your belly I predict a boy!" or "he looks cold why doesn't he have socks on?" or "why is he crying? Here, let me help you" (granted the last one is usually being said to Hidai, and usually on the way to school when one of the kids is having a particularly bad morning).
Well, imagine you had a red-haired baby with not a hint of redness in your husband or your hair... Yes, over the years the "ohhhh, did you check which of your wife's acquaintances has red hair" saying was heard quite a bit around our house, and always made me want to say "Oh! That's it! I can't hide it any longer! I was sleeping around on my husband and this is in fact not his son! Please don't tell him..." just so I could see the look on that person's face... Obviously none of it is true, and obviously I didn't say it, but a meek "some grandparent on some side had red-hair" instead, which is also not true (red-heads genes just come as they like). We also got the "look how many freckles he has" and "oh no, he will be miserable at school" saying which I love. But I guess I have to thank all those people because it's nothing compared to what we get with Yon, who wears his glasses since he was 6 months old, and now as it turns out needs to add a hat at all times to that, which might look not-so-strange had we been living anywhere else but in London...
It took me a while, but in the end I figured, you can get upset, you can ignore, or you can sit down and make a list of all the things people say when they see Yon or hear about his situation.
Obviously I got upset.
And then sat down and wrote a list :)

"You are overreacting" Of course I am. I mean it is obvious that with your vast knowledge of children's vision problems you can diagnose him right away and decide that we are hysterical. Thank you oh great one, I feel better already.
"It could be worse" Of course it could. It could have happened to your child.
"Well, be glad that this is what's troubling you", (more commonly known as שאלה יהיו הצרות שלך) Why yes I am glad thank you. After all I wouldn't want your enormous troubles instead. Did you manage to find the right dress for tonight?
"But he looks so normal" Wow! Did we forget to stick on his forehead-sticker again?!
"Are you sure?" No, we made it all up.
"But my sisters'-husbands'-second-cousins'-friend had the same exact problem and he's really quite normal" Well, it depends on what you call normal. Did he stop drooling and walking on his hands already?
"I'm sure if you work with him it will get better" Sure, cause what's a little static-irreversible-genetic condition? The real problem is we're neglecting the kid.
"I know a really good doctor" That's really lucky, you can go to him to fix your nose after I punch you.
"What he needs now is your love and support" True, because up until now we gave him hate and abandonment.
"That's nothing. My child has a real problem" Okay, so we are doing this. Should we also undress and compare scars?
"I can't believe it took you this long to find the right diagnosis" It's because we didn't really care up until now.
"Does he like his glasses?" Well considering he can't really see without them, then no. He doesn't.
"It's a non-invasive test" Oh, so you think sticking electric probes to a 3 years old eyes and making him look at a flashing screen of black & white stripes for 3 hours is what exactly?
"But I swear he saw that bird in the tree", Did he also tell you about the dinosaur he swears is next to it?
"You need to remember that this is the only thing he knows", so he won't mind it when he doesn't see what everyone else sees? Sure.
"You need to be strong for him" He is not terminally ill thank you.
 "On no! Poor baby" (usually comes with the have to be strong one), Again - not terminally ill.
"He didn't really cooperate (in the test)", Really? I wonder why. What if I try shining a light into your eyes for 10 minutes straight. Let's see how well you react.
"Have you thought about alternative medicine?" Now that you mention it, I'm sure positive thinking and some herbs will fix different wiring in his eyes.
"But he is such a smiling, happy child", That's the drugs. Want some?
"I'll keep him in my prayers", We tried praying, but you are still here talking to me.
"Nobody's perfect", Especially you.
"It will be alright" (Hidai's favorite)  Did you check that on your crystal ball?
"There is always hope", No. There isn't. which part of static-irreversible-genetic condition do you think we can hope to fix?
"The only thing he won't be able to do is drive", Or play some sports, or sit anywhere but in first row in class, or use a computer mouse, or read a printed book, or recognise his friends in the playground, or take off his hat, or copy from the black-board, or, or, or. So yes, sure, the only impact is on his ability to drive.
"Move on already". I can't.

Okay, so no one really said the last one. People just look at you in a certain way and you know - you did it again - you talked too much about it again, you weren't happy or up bit or full of hope again, you did not move on.
Over the last 4 months we discovered so much more about Yon's condition, and had 6 meetings with different professionals about his condition (5 of them over the last 2 months...), and in every meeting we discover how much more severe his condition really is, how much more assistance he will need in school, and in life.
(Because of the move-on already thing, I thought another long post about how bad Yon's condition really is and haw bad it made me feel was too much, so his latest status updates are on the blog's Facebook page)

I know everyone wants to help and I know everyone means well, but humor - even if it is more towards the dark and cynical side - is all we have left. You either laugh or cry.
So I really hope no one got insulted if you think you are somewhere there. We found ourselves there in a few sentences we tell ourselves to make us feel better... Okay Hidai did, but he took it rather well I have to say. Anyway that was really not my intention, and in any case, the thing is - I don't think there is a right thing to say.

A hat and a coat. This is how we roll :)