Worrying is an Olympic sport

I don't know if you've already noticed this, but I am a worrier. I worry all the time, about everything and everyone. I worry about the little things, I worry about the big things, I worry about the known and I worry about the unknown.I worry about the kids, their health issues (Yon's eyes, Ron's teeth and now his atopic skin), their academic issues (which of course exist only in my mind), their happiness, their future, their popularity, their connection to Israel, Judaism and our traditions, etc;I worry about Hidai (even though he is fine, and I am not saying that just because he made me), his health, his job, his carrer, his happiness, etc.; I worry about my parents getting old; I worry about our future, not being able to get where we want to be, about not having money, about there being a disaster, that we will get a letter saying that we are not entitled to live here after all; I worry about me, my health, my hands, becoming boring, that no one will read my next post, that I will gain back all the weight I lost; I worry about the situation in Israel, I worry about the UK, I worry about the pound, I worry about our loans, I worry about our savings, I worry about how to fit everything into the budget, I worry about having to entertain, I worry about...
I worry. It's what I do. Actually it's a very good answer to the what do you do all day question, what do you mean? I worry. Everyone knows that, hell, even Yon's teacher knows that. If worrying was an Olympic sport I'm sure I'd be in the running for a medal.
The thing is, I live quite fine with the endless cycle of worries that goes on inside my head. Usually. I am so used to it by now, I don't think I would know what to do if I didn't have to worry anymore. I can't honestly say that my worries came along with the kids, I had them long before, but I can definitely say that they multiplied by hundreds when we just started to think about having kids, and that on top of the worries I also got that overwhelming sense of responsibility only parents have - the responsibility for that tiny tiny thing that is totally dependant on you.
I am responsible for my kids, for my life, for my choices, for the prices everyone around me pay for those choices, for our financial situation, for the career decisions Hidai and I take together, for Yon's bad genes, for the well-being of this family, for ... For everything it seems. I live quite contently with that also.
Who in the crowd said high high high internal locus of control? Yes. That's me.
But the one thing I don't live well with is uncertainty. I learned over the years to accept that not everything is in my control, that responsibility does not equal blame, and that, well - shit happens. Over the last few years I also learned to let go of the 5 years plan, to never commit to a house or a country or whatever. And in some ways that became my certainty, the fact that this will not be our last home, or city or job. But still, unexpected uncertainties take an emotional toll on me. One I was surprised to find is still very high.
Sometimes, when taken together, it is all just too much, sometimes you just want to return it all to the store and say - hey, that's not what I thought I was buying, sometimes you find yourself sitting in front of the computer reading what other people wrote about and being, well, envious. Hey, I want to be able to write about things like the weather, or the trip to wherever or the new spring fashion I just bought, sometimes I want to be able to lift the burden of worry and responsibility and uncertainty and live like there is no one else out there but me.
So I embarked on an all-me all-fun weekend, and then Yon was half sick all weekend (actually got sent home on Friday with an I-don't-know-what's-wrong-with-him from his teacher), Ron had homework to do that needed help, Yon had to had his hair cut (an ordeal that usually comprise of half an hour of screaming and crying), and as it happens you can't really shut the door and pretend to not be home for a whole weekend. There is nowhere to run.

It seemed like an apt finish for the post didn't it? everything's dark and hopeless. But it turnes out life is a strange thing, because we actually had a lovely weekend.
I read one whole book;
Ron and I baked a birthday cake for grandma, who is in Israel, and we lit candles and celebrated together. And we had chocolate cake to eat;

we are baking our traditional birthday cake - chocolate heart shaped cake

I taught Ron to play Black-Jack and he loved it;

I was the dealer

We watched The Hobbit DVD, which we enjoyed tremendously and which reinforced our decision to one day go to New Zealand on a Lord Of The Rings tour;
Hidai & Ron went to watch the Arsenal match at the stadium, and even though Arsenal lost, they still got to play, eat, meet people and enjoy the experience;

After we scored our 1 goal... He did not look like this coming home :(

Ron's homework were about finding a country that you can sell to people and make them want to visit, so we chose Italy, which I adore, and really, is an obvious choice - who doesn't want to visit Italy? the food, the art, the language, everything really. Ron and I sat together for 2 hours learning about Italy, watching all our photo albums from Italy, and discussing art, history and the Italian language;
We ate all the chocolate, ice-cream, cookies, pizza (Arsenal lost...), chips (it's Saturday traditional food) and whatnot we wanted;

Pizza as comfort food

Hidai had 7 new people join his Facebook group, so he could moan about Arsenal with new people, and I had to endure only 20 minutes of it this whole weekend!;
My new mixer arrived;
The kids slept until 9am on Sunday, and so did we;
I am now at stage 154 on Candy Crush Saga and had regained Ron's respect;
And we started this week with sunshine and also an hour of some lovely "us" time and coffee.

All this reminded me about the saying we had put up on our bedroom wall in Gib in the middle of all the mess last year, and is still true to our life, especially in days like these (yes I know I am putting up too many motivational saying here, I promise I will stop. Someday) - Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I don't think we've reached dancing yet, but I thing we've passed walking...