Christmas 2013: The Highlights!

Ten days since my last post. It's been a very long vacation which cost me about 5,000 pounds and 5 kg. I'm joking of course. It was only 3,000 pounds. While writing this I am still half comatose from the enormous lunch I've had today, and yesterday and every single day before that. Holidays and food are intertwined in a way second only to football and beer (yes, I know my analogy is steaming from the fact that today's entertainment was watching an Arsenal match at the pub), and trying to write anything while in this state is proving to be somewhat difficult. Summarising a holiday is never an easy thing. After all in our family if you finish a holiday with lots of photos it can only mean one thing - it was a lousy holiday. And if you did have a good time, and you don't have photos, you probably ate too much and drank too much and already went through all the Christmas chocolate and now can't move or think. And anyway nobody wants to hear how you are full of love and light and wine.
On the other hand, no one wants to hear how my Christmas did not go as I planned at all this year. I was sick for most of the time and even needed antibiotics, my Christmas baking did not go as planned (at least as far as I'm concerned. Everyone else said it was totally fine, at least that is what their crumbs filled mumbling sounded like ), I haven't slept well in weeks, my posting schedule went down the toilet, and I gained at least 3 kilos.
So I have decided to do a Christmas recap in one go by using everyone around and publish it when no one will read it - right before New Years.
Without further ado - Christmas 2013: The Highlights!

1. Grandparents visit (because they made me write it first). It is so much nicer to have then here when we are all on holiday, there is no pressure to get to school, or get things done on time, or while everyone is stressed and busy. Holidays are the best time to entertain and Christmas with its many activities and added excuse for everything (we absolutely HAVE to eat a second breakfast made entirely out of chocolate and Baileys. It's Christmas) is the best time in the year for it.

2. Christmas dinner. Well, actually no one here put it down as a highlight, but the way I see it - we survived the making and eating of yet another holiday meal, during which we swore at least a dozen times that we will never do that again, yelled about ten times per person, accused each other on ruining the food at least a dozen times, ate too much during preparations, worked for ten hours on food that got eaten in under an hour (and had three days worth of leftovers). How can that not be a highlight? And yes, of course we will do it all again next year. After all it's what we call bonding in this family.

3. Yon's pick - Meeting Santa at the London Zoo. Yon is not a big fan of Santa actually, he finds the whole thing quite intimidating, and he is never willing to talk or smile, but this time was (somewhat) different, because it was in his beloved zoo. I booked the tickets in advanced and prayed for weeks that we'll have good weather. I hate booking in advance, especially in London, exactly because of that - you never know what kind of day you're gonna get, but we ended up with a sunny and cold one, which as it turned out was perfect - the animals were all awake and inside so we saw all of them (except for the always sleeping lion), and though the queue to see Santa was about an hour long, he was really nice, everything was organised really well and the boys loved the gifts they got. We even managed to get a family photo out of it with Yon not looking as if we made him sit next to a serial killer.

4. Ron's pick - his xBox. He asked for one four months ago. He waited ever so patiently for it. He did his best to be on the good list. He worried up until Christmas Eve that he won't get it. He jumped in the air (literally) when he ripped through the wrapping paper. He can't stand being apart from it. He already mastered the FIFA 14 game, and is having long conversation with the Kinect. So it comes as no surprise that his xBox was his choice, but what he really meant was Christmas Day. I really don't think there is anything better than waking up to Christmas Day. I got a Kindle and have already read one book, Hidai got a ticket to a Pearl Jam concert in July, grandparents went for phones and booze, but Yon got the best presents of all - a robofish (who died an early death due to lack of batteries) and a camera and is now spending most his time walking around the house snapping blurry pictures of everyone.

5. Hidai's pick - LegoLand Windsor. As we were sooooo good this year Santa has decided to give us all an extra gift - one night at the LegoLand resort. Actually we decided on that because we want to work our way up to DisneyWorld. We were unsure how Yon would react to the hotel, and Ron to the activities and figured one night at LegoLand when most of it is closed because of winter is the perfect place to start. Despite a few minor glitches at the beginning (apparently it's a big surprise that when you book two rooms under your name you want them to be adjoined. Or at least close.) and the fact that Yon wasn't feeling very well, we powered through (got the rooms) and it turned out to be a wonderful holiday for the family. I was so happy to see Yon running through the castle in the indoor play area, or the outside play area, and I was happy to see Ron willing to try all the activities (he was only slightly crossed about losing to Hidai in the shooting game). We will be back for sure in the summer to see the rest of the resort and activities (and beat Hidai at shooting).

6. Grandparents pick 1 - Boxing Day Shopping. As real Londoners we laughed in their faces about the thought of going out to Oxford St. for a spot of shopping, and declined their generous invitation to drag two boys to do their favourite activity of all - watching other people shop. As it turned out grandparents loved every minute of it, and bought everything they planned to, so next year we are sending them with a list of our own.

7. Grandparents pick 2 - Football at the Pub. We wanted an authentic pub watching experience as we've never done that, but as it turned out we chose the poshest pub around because of a combination of having to have vegetarian food, a family-friendly atmosphere and clean toilets. As my dad summarised it, it cost us the price of a new tablet, and the boys were less keen on the food (the chocolate brownie went down without a problem though), but Arsenal won, the people were happy, and the food was great. Next time we rob a bank, we'll be back for sure.
8. My pick... Well, I loved it all, but my highlight was without a doubt watching the Hobbit movie (the second one of course) in the cinema. And although I spilled half my popcorn when I tried taking a photo with my phone, had a shrieking girl sit behind me and encountered a drunken guy on the bus back, I have thoroughly enjoyed the experience of actually not going to the cinema to watch an animated movie. And as for the distractions, which to be honest used to drive me crazy, it's amazing what getting used to watching TV and movies with children gets you accustomed to.

9. Last thing we did just before Christmas was connect our TV (and all other devices) to both Netflix and Hulu. This is the place to admit I love silly American TV shows, and by using some electronic hocus-pocus managed to connect all my devices so that I can watch all my TV shows and the American Netflix channel. We've already watched three movies (which is a personal record for us, but unfortunately were lousy).
10. As I see it, like most things in life, Holidays never go as planned, and so far this one has proven to be the same. Every year we find a different solution for it. Usually it includes some chocolate, lots of arguments and the weirdest sense of humour around, but this year we've decided to add the secret ingredient and added alcohol to the mix, and by now grandparents have already drank the whole Chocolate Baileys we bought them, a few bottles of wine and many many glasses of beer. Next year we are planing ahead and starting to stock up in September.

Happy New Year Everyone! See you on the other side :)

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Ten Years Wedding Anniversary - Friday Recap 2

Sunday is our ten years wedding anniversary, and 13 years since Hidai and I met. We got married exactly three years (minus one day) after our first date. I know what you're thinking - who gets married on December 22? People who don't think about the future, that's who. We were young, we were stupid, we had a really good reason. You see, we chose that date not because of our overly romantic nature, but because we wanted to spend our honeymoon in London on Christmas (also it needed to be Monday evening because Tuesday brings good luck, and for Jews a day is from sunset to sunset, so Monday evening is actually Tuesday; and also we are not really known for our patience and ability to wait, so we wanted to get married and go on our honeymoon the very next day). We had the most wonderful time here in 2003, but now we are stuck with a wedding anniversary date that in reality means we don't get to really celebrate our anniversary. The kids are always off school, Christmas is around the corner and all the preparations are in full swing, my parents are here and we spend our nights on the air mattress in the middle of the living-room. All contribute to an extremely romantic feel. This year for example, for our big celebration we are having coffee Friday morning before the craziness begins, and are going to the zoo to meet Santa and some reindeers on Sunday. Ron thought it was a very nice way to celebrate. Since my parents are here we can get a night off (no, we don't have a babysitter so no, we don't get nights off normally) and we are rounding up the celebrations with The Hobbit movie. We might even go all out and buy popcorn. If we go totally crazy we might even buy the VIP seats just to feel rich and special. Yes people, we know how to celebrate in style.

Selfie in sunny Gibraltar

I don't usually do the romantic-sappy posts about Hidai, firstly because it will embarrass him, second of all because it will go to his head, and thirdly because every time I sit down and try to write it he does something that annoys me. Just like this morning when he made fun of my using hebrew and English in the same sentence. But seeing how he apologised nicely, and it is Recap Friday I decided to give it a go and try to write a ten-year-anniversary post. I only have one tiny problem - What does one write? because I have no clue. I've seen lots of anniversary posts, and they all made me a bit teary, and they all wrote very nicely and very movingly about the love they share, the moment they met, the wonderful wedding they had. I love reading it all, but writing it? I feel like such a fraud. Next thing you know I would try to write a happy post. What is the world coming to?!

Guess when

But still, ten years of marriage and thirteen in total is a long time. You shouldn't really just brush it off. It does deserve some sort of mention. Even if not of the sappy kind. Hidai and I met on a blind-date organised by mutual friends who were dating at that time. We fell in love on that first date, where I explained to Hidai that my favourite actor is Bruce Willis (the early works), and we both spent half the night organising the table at the cafe where we sat. We haven't been apart since. We moved in together 8 month later and spent a year at my parents before moving to our first ever flat.
We managed to finish 3 university degrees (Hidai one, I two), go through 13 work places (most of them are Hidai's), have two kids and two miscarriages, and move 6 houses in three countries. But those are just the basic numbers of our lives. And numbers don't really tell the story do they? The story is in the details behind the numbers, the story is in the way you travel together. And what a way it has been so far...
Meeting as young as we did means we basically grew up and grew old together. We went through almost everything life can throw at you in these years, and did it together, but Hidai had issues with me writing it all here and as some of it is his stuff I respected his wishes. Looking back I can hardly believe how young we were when we met, how easily (some would say carelessly) we did it all, and how far we've come (some would say not really).

Our one and only official portrait 10 years after we met

At the end of the day after thirteen years together I would say it's going rather well (I would say that just because I am afraid if I say anything more I would jinx it). Before we got married someone told us we shouldn't get married so young, because we will find ourselves one day sitting on the couch at night watching TV and not talking. We did get married young, and watching TV together is still one of our favourite things to do. Though we do it in bed mostly and not on the couch.
And here is the sappy-lovey-dovey part of the post: after thirteen years together, in which we still keep the one rule of no jobs that require travel, Hidai is still my favourite person to talk to and the only one who hears every passing thought I have exactly the moment I have it, he never says "no" to anything I want (and learned never to say "relax"), he still brings me everything because I'm lazy and makes me tea when I'm sick, he still encourage me to go after every dream I have no matter how crazy it is (including trying my luck at the Bake Off), he still tells me he loves me every night. He is still the one person I can spend more than an hour at a time with, and the one who will readily admit I saved him form a life of workaholism and family-issues. We still see everything eye-to-eye, have the same sense of humour and dance in our underwear in the kitchen.

dancing at my parents, about a year after we met

But if I had to say what's the one thing that kept us together all these years and made our marriage work, is that Hidai is my favourite person in the whole wide world to fight with.
He always apologises so nicely.




 

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The nights before the night before Christmas

Three more days till school breaks for the holidays. I never thought I'd say that as a parent, but I will - Bring on the holidays. It's going to be 16 and a half days of total madness - Christmas, entertaining people, grandparents, bored out of their mind children and bad weather (hopefully snow, probably lots of rain). And still it will be better than what we have now. Now we have a whole lot of people who are at the end of their rope.
So let me count the ways in which this period of a second-before-the-holiday drives everyone crazy -

We went to the school yesterday to give out our Christmas gifts to the teachers and the moment the head teacher saw us you could see her thinking "on no! What the f*&^ck could these two want now?!" Yes, we have been spending a lot of time at school lately. Yesterday I told Hidai I think I'm there more than some of the teachers. Hidai is a governor and had some governor things before the break, we had all the festivities, we've had our usual meetings about Yon (and some unexpected ones) we've had trouble with Ron, I will be volunteering in school from next term helping children learn towards the 11+ exams, we've had parents-teachers meetings, and we've had lots of talks with our head teacher, so she was excused for thinking we were there to nag her once again, so just stood there waving chocolate at her saying "no, no, just Christmas gifts!". She is exhausted, Yon's teacher said they are all counting the minutes, the boys are so out of it Ron actually had a fight with Siri (about weather or not Arsenal would win the league). And with the iPhone (it bullied him). And with the computer (none of his players scored). And with my baby-tree (it's in the middle of the football pitch also known as my corridor). Yon just informed me yesterday afternoon that he "absolutely definitely totally NEEDS YouTube. He can't do anything else because he NEEDS YouTube". Of course he watched YouTube all afternoon. How could I refuse that plea?

Baby tree at the football pitch

It is not surprising then that the school is on a not-really-studying-anymore mode, they had pantomime, class parties, school play, movies, presentation days, fair, singing, etc. Yesterday it was the school play. They don't do nativity shows in our school, just secular school plays that are nice regardless of your religion and beliefs, and this year they chose The Wizard of Oz. I am not a big fan of school plays to begin with, and this one had even more issues for me than most with the amount of time they needed to commit to practice during school hours and after, the person in charge of it, and it having 8 main roles and a whole school who wanted to participate but couldn't. Ron got to be a guard and had three lines and insisted we come watch him perform. Of course we came. And sat in the second row, and smiled, and waived and took loads of photos. Was it worth the 6 weeks of after school practice? and the week he missed football for it? and the fact that he had nothing but rehearsals for the past week? No. He was very excited about the whole thing and hardly slept the night before, he was worried about his scene, and he was up to the end quite disappointed to get such a tiny role. He was excellent of course - came on stage on time, fell asleep on time, sang on time, and performed his lines in the same incomprehensible mumble as everyone else. And immediately went to change and play some football in the rain. As one does.

Guard-Ron

I am just happy it's over for the next year or so, so I could go back to my never ending list of things that needs to be done before Christmas. To add to the fun I've had my first physiotherapy session this morning, and now if you remember I wrote a few months ago about my health-scare and tests and everything I went through. You would think I would have an update on that. You would be wrong. When I went to see the doctor she didn't have the results. When I went back today they had the results but not the doctor, so I still don't know exactly what we are talking about. I did have a physiotherapy session where she basically told me to continue wearing the splint at all times, do some neck movements and come back in a month. Not really sure why. As a result I now have pain in my back, neck and hand. Totally worth it.

I have spent five hours in total I think wrapping presents this past week. It used to be fun, I used to do it while watching the xFactor final with a glass of wine and some nibbles. This year the children have decided to watch the xFactor so that was out of the question, and I was left with having to wrap them in the middle of the night with Hidai checking the boys every few minutes to see that they are still sound asleep. I finished it all yesterday morning and now have to check that I have enough chocolate to put in the stockings (I don't). And I still have to put all the bows and trimmings on the wrapped gifts.

Last present to be wrapped this year!

I have my menu for the Christmas eve dinner, but there were a few disagreements about my choices, decisions to be made about what to give the children on the night before Christmas (books), still haven't bought any of the food and I am living in fear that Ocado won't deliver my turkey. If you wonder why I don't buy it sooner the answer is really simple - lack of fridge space. And as a vegetarian that turkey staring at me every time I open the fridge gives me the hibijibis, so if everything goes according to plan it (and the rest of the food I have yet to even order) will be here on Sunday. And now I remembered I am missing one wine glass. Don't suppose when a guest asks if I want them to bring something "one wine glass" is an acceptable answer???

Hidai last year with our first ever turkey (all cooking thanks goes to my mum)

We are late to everything. Everything. I am never late to anything, you see, I have a rule against it. But these days, we are a few minutes (not to say half an hour) late to everything. No one has any energy to actually get up and get ready, and so in the end everything is done in five minutes, in a rush and with lots and lots of yelling. On Saturday we had a Christmas party at Yon's outreach program. We were half an hour late. And still we were the first to arrive. It ended up being wonderful, the boys love going there (Ron likes it because they have a court he can play uninterrupted football in) and we ended up in McDonalds having a very good and open conversation with Ron about Yon's condition. When asked if he has any questions of his own, Yon answered with a resounding "I love my glasses".

Kids at the outreach gathering

I have made a Christmas Fun List which bear a striking resemblance to a bootcamp agenda, and is intended to make sure everyone has fun. And that's an order. We will be - going to meet Santa (and reindeers) at the zoo, going to WinterWonderland, Having a night at LegoLand, having a few days of shopping (including the mandatory Boxing Day), Taking my parents to see the lights at Oxford st, Piccadilly st. Covent Garden, Upper st. etc., Doing the Kew Gardens at night tour, and probably a museum or two. Some people hinted that it might be a tad too much planning.

Last year at WinterWonderland. Yes we still have the giant teddy

I got into a fight with a company who did not pay me for some work I did for them. It was 35 pounds, and after a month of chasing them I did what any sane person would do. I went on LinkedIn, found the names and emails of every person whose job title began with a C (or a director) and wrote them a very angry email including a promise to let some other partners of theirs know how they treat people. I got 3 apology letters, including the CEO, my money and a delivery of flowers & chocolate. Which the boys ate alone.

Apology chocolate. THe best kind.

I have Christmas songs stuck inside my head. I can't shake those jingle bells. Yon however have decided that our new theme song is Gary Barlow's Let Me Go, and whenever someone turns on the iTunes he runs over shouting "I Want That Gary Barlow Song!!!" He still hadn't figure out he can find it on YouTube. Please don't tell him.

So as you can see, life here is going smoothly and peacefully as ever. Just keep it in mind, that if you don't hear from me again after Christmas you will know why!


And yes, the blog share buttons have mysteriously disappeared. Or as I like to think of it - has taken some time off to enjoy the holiday with their family, and will just as mysteriously come back after they have some mulled wine and a rest...

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That second chance

A few days ago I went out with the girls. Let's clarify - I don't have "girls", but I do have Steph. And Steph has "girls", and she was kind enough to feel sorry for little old me and rescue me from sitting alone in the corner by inviting me to come hang with her and the girls. Of course I went. How else will I ever get the chance to write "I went out with the girls"? If I wait until I had "girls" it would be a very long wait, somewhere around quarter to never or so. Anyway Steph and the girls took me out to see a show called The Night Before Christmas in the Soho Theatre. I have never been to a show in Soho before so I wasn't really sure what to expect, and the theatre kind of reminded me of going to a play at school, but regardless and with no connection to the gigantic glass of wine I was given (wine at 2:30 pm. The day was just full of firsts), I really liked the show. Steph warned me about there being lots of curses, so I am not sure what it says about me if I thought it was really a perfectly normal amount of swearing (that being said, there were parts when they were talking really fast and I was a bit lost so some of the more explicit curses went over my head). The thing that stuck with me from that show (well except from the fact that I had two glasses of wine. And that I went out all by myself. Both of which are unheard of) was a few lines there right before the end, about how when we grow old we lose our dreams. We give up on them, and are just content to live our lives as they are. Not thinking about the future, about the possibilities in everything, but thinking instead about the past and its missed opportunities. I found it just so damn sad. Do we really? Then I got a comment on the post I wrote about living in London, and that comment said exactly the same -  "I think it's admirable that you followed your dream to live in London, despite your hard times. Very few people get to fulfil their dreams like that".

So I asked Hidai (because he has to hear every thought I have) if he thinks it's right. At what point exactly do we lose our dreams? The ability to believe we could do anything? He said sooner than you'd think, that most never had it to begin with, that most people, us included, aren't raised to believe it. I don't know if he's right, but I really hope not. And yet I see it everywhere I look - I hear it from women when they become mothers, from women who followed their husband to a life of expats, from older people when their kids are grown. And yet I don't want to believe it.
Last night we watched the xFactor final. I love the xFactor, when I'm asked I say it's because it's my sign that Christmas is nearly here, but if I'm honest it's not only that. I love seeing the journey and I love it when people get a second chance to fulfil their dreams. I rooted for Sam Bailey and Rough Copy from day one, and was extremely sad to see the boys voted off in the semi-final (have to say I voted for them) and very happy for Sam that she won (of course we voted for her). But then they made the whole thing exactly about that - that second chance, that dream she gave up on, those twenty lost years.
Ron wants to play football for Arsenal when he grows up. He really believes he could. Actually he really believes he would. And putting aside the question of university and weather a football career is what we want for him, we told him to go for it.
At what point in life does "go for it" vanishes? At what point are we left with the "what ifs"? And on the other hand, he probably won't play for Arsenal. Am I right to let him believe he could? Is raising your kids to believe they can be anything, do anything the right thing? Am I harming his sense of reality in letting him believe he has a chance? I read a few people who said their parents told them that, that they are the best, that they could do anything, and then when they grew up and realised no one is standing outside with the keys to a whole new future they didn't know what to do.
And still I tell Ron if he is willing to commit the time and effort and work hard he could. Is that the difference? The knowledge that everything comes with a price-tag? I have no idea but I don't think so. I think its the price itself.
In a different lifetime I was studying to be an accountant. I was working alongside a man, whose name I can't remember, but who was I think in his fifties (I was very young, and everyone looked really old to me). His life long dream was to study history. Instead he was working in an accountant office. He wasn't a sad man, or a grumpy one. It was just that I found it sad. The "I can't go back and do it now" line. Life is so short and it goes by so quickly, so I decided on one rule in life (ok, I have tons of rules, but that one made the top five) - No Regrets. Running away from the what ifs comes with a steep price-tag believe me, it also comes with lots of hard work, and not a lot of money. Mostly I think (for me anyway) it comes with lack of worth, with those moments were my life seems wasted, where it seems like a bad example of a person who just can't make up her mind. It comes with never having a "real" job, a "proper" career, or a knowledge of what's to come. It comes with all those moments of self-doubt.
Hidai said it happens to everyone, that thought "maybe that's it. I've hit my glass ceiling. That is the end of the road for me, it's as far as I can go". Lord knows it happens to me every time he is looking for a new job, it happens to me every time I feel a hiccup with the blog, it happens to me every time we have a future budget talk. Do you though? Do you really have a glass ceiling? If Ron wants it enough won't he be able to play for Arsenal?
When I'm confronted with our lifestyle I always have two nagging and contradicting thoughts -  Will we one day wake up and realise we have unfulfilled dreams? Will running ever be too much?And on the other side of it, how many new dreams could one person have? What if one day I will wake up and realise I have no more dreams to fulfil? No more mountains to conquer?
I don't know which one of those options is worse.

Steph's photo (and idea)

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So how is it to live in London? - Recap Friday part 1

Mid-December, it's 10 o'clock in the morning and everything outside is dark and grey and gloomy, the only sound around the house is the Christmas music, and my eggnog latte is right beside me. Something about this whole scene makes me pensive, and I feel the need to start making mental lists of the good, the bad, the what-where-I -thinking of the year. December always get me in this mood. The need to look back over the year(s) and see where life has taken me. It's not only because December is the obvious month for it - after all in 18 days it will be 2014, it's also because I am not the best person there is with dates, ok, I am extremely bad with numbers and dates. I had to have my wedding ring inscribed with my wedding date so I'd remember it correctly; I am forever forgetting Yon's birthday (it has a 7 and a 9 in some order); I have no clue what my phone number (or my home number, or Hidai's number) is. I can go on. That is why I long ago decided to celebrate everything in December. Well, it's kind of a no-brainer really because Hidai and I met in December, got married in December and left Israel in December (not the same one obviously).
So for the next few weeks, Fridays will be known as "recap Friday", and will give me the option to look back at the last year and get some much needed closure.

This week is my - So how does it feel to live in London? recap. Truth be told we moved here in July 2012, so you should have read this one back in July, but you didn't. Because I didn't write this in July. First years don't always take 12 months. Sometimes they take 18. Sometimes they take more. A first year ends when you have inner-security, when you can hold your head up high and say "I'm here". First years are over when the fear is manageable, when you feel you have a place to call home, when not everything feels like life-or-death all the time. I am not sure I'm there yet, but I am going to fake-it-till-you-make-it, and say that yes we are starting our second year. Second years are about building, having roots and belongings. Third years are usually when we leave, so I have no idea what they are all about.

Living in London was our dream from the moment we set foot here on December 23, 2003. One of the hardest moments of our lives was stepping inside the plane to go back to Israel 10 days later. We swore we would some day come back to live here. It took us 8 and a half years to make it happen, but we did. Over the years we came back here to visit every chance we got, so it wasn't like when we moved to Gibraltar and didn't really know what we are getting ourselves into. But living is not the same as visiting is it? Tourists have a different sense of the city, of life. You are never in a hurry, you don't care that everything is so bloody expensive, you stay in a hotel. The biggest fear when you get what you dream about is - what if it turns out to be not as good as I dreamt it? What if my bubble will burst? What will happen if the life I built in my mind will turn out to be so much better than the life I will have in the real world??? (The second fear is what's next? but that's for a different day.)
We had an image of life in London, we had so many expectations of it, and we arrived here after a very tough time a bit broken and sad. In a sense I think we expected London to heal us, to give us back some things we lost along the way. It's not really fair to expect it of a city, or of anyone for that matter, but unconsciously that what we did.

London is a very confusing city, it's big and small, touristy and intimate, young and old. It is full of contradictions, and is never boring. So you won't be surprised when I tell you that it did not fail to live up to every single one of our expectations, and at the same time that it didn't.
Life in London is more than anything else confusing. We chose to live in a central part of London, in one of the more touristy areas around here (especially on match days), and yet there are weeks I don't leave the house and I am starting to feel like I live on a different planet; This city makes me feel old more than anything else (and frumpy and a bit fat, but that's more to do with me than the city I guess. Everyone here is always on the way to or from the gym it seems). Everyone around here are my age or older, but they all have younger children, or no children, they all have careers, they all make me feel as if I am living a different lifetime; This city frustrate me to no end when I try to find something (other than "London has lots of parks") to do with the kids that won't cost a hundred pounds to enter and all the emails I get on "what's going on in London" hasn't got one thing; This city feels me with a sense of wonder whenever I walk its streets; This city always makes me smile when I'm feeling bad; This city makes you feel like a foreigner, but that being a foreigner is perfectly fine; No matter what you do, how you dress, what your accent sounds like - walking the streets of London there will always be someone weirder than you. Even two; It's London - everything is possible, everything is at your fingertips, you can do anything. And as soon as we win the lottery and finally get a babysitter we will.

I love living in London. Its reality is different to my dreams, as reality is, but it is no less wonderful. I missed the green when I was in Gibraltar (now I miss the blue), I missed the ability to order food (now I miss the Morrisons), I love the buses (but not the tube), I love walking around, I love the changing of the seasons (we don't have autumn in Israel. Or spring. Just Summer and three days of rain), I love the ability to be a tourist in London because you can, but then just take the tube and be home in less then half an hour, I love the culture (though I would enjoy more of it if I win the lottery or at least get a babysitter), I love online shopping (though maybe if I enjoy it less I would be able to enjoy the culture more), I love that my kids grow up in a multicultural and tolerant environment, I love the grey (not the rain. I hate rain) I was afraid of it before we moved, but I find I love it (in the winter. Less in the summer) and I love how excited everyone get when it's sunny (adore the "the weather is too good for work" line) and how everywhere you can see people sunbathing or cleaning in the nude (seriously). London, and the UK, has welcomed us in, and I am grateful for that. It has also taught us some harsh lessons about what living as expats really means and made us feel at times like we are trying to get in to a club that doesn't want us; it made me feel sad and afraid and lonely; living here made me realise that I don't belong and I will never be; living here made me come to peace with the widening gap between me and my children; London did not heal my wounds, it did not gave me peace.
But it did give me Oxford st. in December, and that is pretty darn close.

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Christmas cards

I haven't really kept it a secret that I love Christmas. I mean I've written about six posts relating to the holidays, posted about twenty photos of various holiday activities, and talked about it non-stop. My house looks like a giant bauble full of glitter has exploded all over it, I've been munching Christmas treats all day long, and the concierge at our building knows me, my apartment number and how many packages I got today when I just enter the reception area. And with about 700 apartments to look after I think that's saying something (no, contrary to popular opinion around here it does not mean I should stop buying things). But bit by bit I feel the "holiday anxiety" starting to creep up. You see, the truth is I don't like holidays that much. Ok I don't like holidays at all. They are too intense, to stressful, too full of people I rarely like, too... Too suffocating. For me, one of the main perks about living abroad with no family in sight was never having to go through another of those holidays again. Or so I thought. Because as the kids are getting older holidays are becoming much more important. Holidays, after all, are about forming traditions and connections. For many people this connection is with God, for some it's with their country, but for me it's about my boys. By choosing to raise my kids in a different culture, language, environment than I grew up in, I lost something that I couldn't fully appreciate up to that point - I lost the continuity thread that runs through the generations. They don't sing the same songs, read the same stories, or even learn the same history of the world as me. Their view of the world is different to mine and is build on different foundations. And that is exactly what I want for them, but it also makes finding that connection and traditions that much harder. It all depends on me. And I don't really like holidays.
I've adapted, as one does, and over the last four years we created our own traditions and I made my peace with the holidays. But then you have Christmas. And Christmas is not just any old holiday, it's The Holiday, and it comes hand in hand with a gigantic Christmas dinner, what feels like 1,000 presents, two weeks off school and work, and my parents. And the key to the success of what is starting to feel like Mission Impossible 7 is me. And I don't like holidays.

I do, however, like lists. I have a very complex Excel file to organise all the gifts (due to various family issues, I buy all my kids gifts and give them out under different names. Don't ask. It's as absurd as it sounds, and causes me distress to talk about). This file is my saviour, as I have to have the exact same number of gifts per child from each family member, and trying to keep track on what's been ordered, what's arrived, and what is yet to be wrapped is a sure way to go crazy. But it doesn't end here, because you have the teachers presents, the building presents (you know - cleaners, concierge, etc.), our presents, guests presents... Unrelated to that I have the holiday-visit-schedule because past lessons have taught us that six people do not fit well inside a tiny shoebox for long, so I set out to arrange a list of activities that takes into accounts 2 grandparents who don't like the cold, 2 parents who are very tired and 2 kids in different ages who like very different things, and one of them has special needs. Easy peasy. And lastly who can forget the Christmas dinner? Now, I've read all the magazines, and I've eaten 2 traditional Christmas meals, one of them last year we made ourselves. BUT this year we are hosting, and that is completely different because according to Jewish law if you are hosting one person it's as if you have invited a hungry platoon. You are required to make enough food to feed three times the amount of guests you have for at least three days (plus ten precent extra just in case). It's not just when you are talking holidays, it's every meal. But when it's a holiday? it's unforgivable if you don't. There is nothing worse for a Jewish hostess than no leftovers. The saying is, if everything you made got eaten and you don't have any leftovers than you haven't made enough food. Try harder next year. If anyone will be willing to come over again. Bad hostess. So you'll understand when I tell you that I have been stressing over the menu for two weeks now, and having endless conversations with my mum about how many types of pre-dinner nibbles is acceptable, and why I am not going to serve soup. How can you have a holiday dinner with no soup??!

I am having trouble sleeping. The stress of having a perfect (or at least acceptable) Christmas is getting to me, and as it's on top of a less than stellar time, I am starting to crack. I know I am over-reacting, but the last couple of Christmases were a bit on the tight end, and last year was six months after we moved here, so I really want this year's to be perfect for everyone. And last week I started to feel like I'm crumbling under the pressure of all that needs to be done. I really am a very organised person usually (ok I'm obsessive compulsive), and when I am under stress I tend to clean, clear and organise everything I see, but somehow this Christmas became like one of those monster-projects that you just can't defeat, you know the ones - every time you finish one task three jumps up and threaten to bury you underneath a new pile of "have to do's".

This is how I found myself in BHS last week looking for Christmas cards, without being sure even how many I need. Because I forgot to buy them. Ron loves writing Christmas cards to all the kids in his class. I have no idea how many of them actually celebrate Christmas, but since I couldn't find a box with 25 "season greetings" cards they got generic ones (and I also bought a giant dog for Yon. Or maybe it was for me. It looks exactly like a real one and it's fur is so fluffy and cuddly. I need cuddly). He got into the habit when we were in Gibraltar, where everyone give out Christmas cards every year. I think it's a lovely tradition and he enjoys it and doesn't seem to mind that it's less common in our school here. And on top of everything this year we had Yon joining the party. Last year I wrote his cards, but this year I wasn't sure what to do. Should I let him write his own cards or not? I hate these dilemmas, I never know what the right answer is, and I have no basis for comparison. As a rule of thumb I try not to compare Yon to Ron, because I know Ron is not a good indication of what a child is expected to do, after all not all kids know how to write in two languages when they are three.

This is how I found myself on Monday afternoon not really sure what to do, but Yon is going through an "I want to be Ron" period, and he wants to do everything Ron does. He really wanted to do those cards. In the end what I did was write each child's name on the envelope and he copied it to the card and added a JonJon at the bottom (that's his real name - Jonathan. But no one calls him that, because it's too serious, so it's JonJon to everyone except me. And you). He wrote 25 cards, most of them were even legible. It is an incredible achievement for him to be able to copy from a different paper without making a mistake and without getting tired. On Tuesday morning we took the cards to school to hand them out. I thought he would want me to do it, but I was wrong. He was so proud of them, he told every child he saw, he showed the teacher, and he handed them all out by himself.
It always amazes me how much inspiration we can get from our children. How much better they are than us at dealing with difficulties (most of the times), and with Yon, how he doesn't let anything stop him doing exactly what he wants.

I now have three lists ready, one food order for the 21, a complete schedule including Google-Calendar invitations, and a set menu for dinner. And all I am missing is one gift that is on its way and 2 books for Ron.
Because if Yon can do it, I can do it too.

I am linking it for the last time this year (!) to the wonderful Small Steps Amazing Achievements at Ethan's Escapade. Have a wonderful Christmas Jane :)
To the equally lovely Motivational Monday at Pinkoddy, who is always inspiring me to do better :)
To Victoria's wonderful #PoCoLo. Have a very merry Christmas!
And to Jaime's Magic Moments over at The Oliver's Madhouse. Merry Christmas :)


 

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On Croods and fears

I got a copy of The Croods from 20th Century Fox (and you can get yours anywhere because it's out today on DVD or Blu-Ray), but the truth is I've already seen it in the cinema on Easter, and this copy goes straight to the pile of movies my children will be getting for Christmas. We have a tradition in our house, every morning where they don't have school the kids watch a movie and we get to stay in bed and enjoy an extra hour and a half of sleep. But in order for that to happen they need a variety of movies, and also I need ideas for Christmas & birthdays, so they each get about 4 new movies per occasion. As you probably guessed we have a lot of movies. What you might have not guessed is that a few of those DVDs are older than the children. Here is the place to confess something I don't think will fit well with my blog-personality - I love animated movies. Love them. My favourite movie of all times (right up there with Die Hard) is The Emperor's New Groove. Which Hidai and I actually watched at the cinema before buying on DVD. Just like Shrek, and Hercules. I take my hat off to the people behind the good animated movie because for me they are doing the impossible - talking about subjects that should be talked about but rarely are. A good animated movie has it all - a message, a crazy character, good music, catch phrases, and silly jokes. Because a good animated movie knows the truth - it's not any less influential and powerful if you say it with a joke.
The Croods is no different, and tonight before I sat down to write this post I asked Ron if he remembers the movie. He remembered the plot better than me I have to admit (and I've watched the Previews again!), and though he said his favourite character is Belt ("Cook. Conversationalist. Navigator. Also keeps my pants up"), he remembered that the message was that sometimes change is coming, and even if you are afraid, you still have to deal with it. For me it's one of the more important messages in life, because it touches upon bravery being the ability to overcome fear, and the fact that life is full of changes.
Some lives more than others. Our lives are fraught with change. For us, the only constant is our family while everything else is in constant danger of being changed. I've said it before and I'll say it again - we are adrenaline junkies, and change is a very big adrenaline-rush, and most of the time we go with Barney Stinson's New Is Always Better rule. When I look at life, for me the equation is - evolve or die.
I know I was supposed to write a simple review about the movie, which I loved, but unfortunately for the 20th Century Fox people, this subject has been on my mind for a variety of reason lately because for me, with my social-fears, everything I do with this blog is me overcoming fears and changing; because Yon's diagnosis threw us smack into the middle of the disabilities world and we had to learn how to swim or he wouldn't get the help he needs; because of Mummy Tries wonderfully touching post about changing yourself and your parenting in order to avoid past generations' mistakes; because life as an expat makes you more conscious about decision not a lot of people get to make - do you want to become a part of your new country, or stay in a small & closed community filled with "people like you". Our decision is obvious, but it is not the obvious decision.
A lot of people let fear of the new, of the strange, of the others dictate their lives. Fear is a good thing. It can save your life, it can make you more cautious when you need it, it usually makes you stop and take a second look, or run away at the appropriate moment. Fear is also a crippling thing. It can make you fight to keep something that is no longer there, it can make you rush, it can make you not change even when there is no other choice.
For the kids, Belt's Da-Da-Da was the most memorable line of the movie, and though it is funny, the one I remembered was "New is always bad". I know so many people who think this way, so many people who just want things to stay the same. They are forever sitting inside their caves, hiding from any sign of change. "This is how we survived" they say, if you don't take risks nothing bad can happen to you. "Always be afraid" is their mantra. If you don't hold your head up high, if you look at everything and see danger, you'll survive. I know so many people who think this way, who let fear run their lives.
And I would recommend that each and every one of them watch The Croods.

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