Birthday Weekend

Birthdays have never been my forte. Not mine anyway. Funnily enough, it is the only day a year in which I get consumed by my what ifs and my regrets and my inadequacies. Imaginary and real ones. It is the only day a year in which I measure myself against an imaginary Other and always comes up short. This is the day in which I feel the world looking at me and going "You again? Let's see what you've achieved this year... Are you sure you want to celebrate that?!". Also, big problem with being told when to have fun. Two reasons, first of all I am never good with the whole being told what to do thing, and second, I find it puts so much pressure on me that I know not only will I not have fun, I will probably screw it up somehow. I actually hate all of them, those "occasions". Also, and it might surprise you, seeing how I open up most everything in my life here in this blog, I don't really like being the center of attention. Okay, you got me, I really hate it, I never know what to do, what to say, where to go. Hate it.
So yes, not a good start for a birthday.
It's a complicated relationship I have with my birthday, and it's a scenario that repeats itself every year. What did I accomplish this year? What do I have to show for myself? Always those same questions, and always the answer is the same - nothing.
That is (mainly) why I keep Hidai around, to remind me that it's (probably) not true. That I do have something to show for myself, and for this last year.
This year was different. I realized something somewhere in the madness that is our lives, I realized I am okay with it all. I am okay with just being, well, me. no fancy degree (oh how I wanted to have a professor or Dr. up there when I was younger), no fancy job title (I did want one of those at a moment or two of unclear thinking), no big financial success to attribute to me (I attribute all our financial disasters to me and any success goes to Hidai). I would lose every contest with someone who walked a more traditional path. All I have to show for me is, well, me. And the truth is, I'm quite fine with it. I think when all is said and done, I turned out to be (and that is our favourite British saying) not too bad.
Do you think it made me be less broody when my birthday finally arrived? of course not. Tradition is, after all, tradition :).
But my boys wouldn't let me wallow and after we said goodbye to my parents (who will be back in September) Hidai decided to turn my birthday into a weekend of very eclectic festivities - we went to the London Zoo for a Special Children's Day, we ate at Jamie's Italian Restaurant in Angel, we went to a flea-market and toured the streets around Angel, my boys baked me a cake and wrote me cards, we drank the last bottle of our favourite wine that my parents brought from Israel, I got the most beautiful bouquet of roses & tulips from Hidai, who also whisked me to a very posh cafe in Covent Garden (Laduree) to have some kids free time and macaroons. And I got so many cards, and mails, and facebook wishes.

The Zoo was better than expected. I mean, I am not a Zoo person, live animals and all that dirt really are not my cup of tea, but I have to hand it to the London Zoo, they really did make us Special people feel welcomed. We had a separate (fast) entrance, a special map of the Zoo, 20% off of everything, and there were so many Zoo people walking around explaining, helping and being generally nice. It was really wonderful. To be honest we were a bit nervous when we got there because maybe they will want to check how Special Yon is, or they will need some sort of certificate or something. Maybe they will decide he is not Special enough? They didn't. They were perfectly lovely. There were so many children with sunglasses (no sun that day), with hats, with canes. So many Special kids. Yon loved the Zoo, his love affair with animals is a never ending story, and he was in over-drive for much of the day. He wanted to touch every animal, he wanted to see every single animal, and seeing the Zebras, the Giraffes & the Penguins, it was the highlight of his day. No, of his life. We were so happy to have given him this day out, and in the same time, it's heart-breaking to ask again and again "Yon, can you see that giant Gorilla?" and know that he doesn't. That the Gorilla is too far for him to see it. That the monkeys move too fast for him to see them clearly, that the iguana looks too much like the tree branch for him to see it distinctly.
It is so hard to know that he can sometimes see more clearly the maps, and the pictures, and the statues than the real animals.
We went with the Healthy-Denial Approach, and even though we knew he can't see things we still looked at them, talked about them, explained it to him, and did not let him feel bad about not seeing some things, we stood at every map or photo, we climbed every animal statue, Hidai took him to the petting-zoo. We enjoyed everything he could see and smoothed over everything he couldn't. In the end, like I said, it was better than expected and I feel so grateful for the London Zoo.

The restaurant was a fluke. We took the bus back from the zoo and realised it stoppes at Angel, and of course we missed the right stop and got off the bus a stop too late, right in front of Jamie's Italian (Jamie Oliver, if you are as clueless as Hidai was). Since we haven't ate lunch (we just ate lots of snacks at the Zoo), and since I've been eyeing it for a while now, we decided to check if they, by any chance, are open on a 5:00 pm to hungry people. I was sure they are going to laugh us right out of there, but no. As a matter of fact, the restaurant was half full, and we could only get a table on the promise that we will leave before 6:30. We did. If you haven't been to Jamie's, then you should :). It's a really nice restaurant, the food was great, the chocolate brownie was divine, the people were kind and nice to the kids. It's just that the chips was... how do I say it politely? don't. Anyway, the kids were really well behaved, the food was lovely, and we were the least dressed people there. I am serious, we were dressed for the Zoo, while everyone else was dressed for a proper Saturday outing...

The Flea-Market, was my way of testing how much Hidai & the kids really love me. Hidai & Ron don't like markets very much, especially on big match days, and Yon, though he really does like "stuff" as he calls wandering around shops, is in constant need of supervision. But because it was my birthday weekend, and "whatever mummy wants, mummy gets", off we went to a very very very disappointing flea market near Angel station. And when I say very, I mean VERY. On the way there we stood for a while at the bus stop, interrupting a man, who was around our age, and dressed very... hipstery like,  who sat there quietly and just stared at us as if we were aliens. As if we were a freak show, or maybe a horror show. It was fascinating. He was so horrified by us and the kids. I actually don't think he saw a live child before. After the unsatisfying flea-market we walked around the tiny street just off-Angel, to see the boutiques, shops, stalls, etc. and that is when we realised it - we were the only people there whose kids were of a walking age. This city, whom I enjoy very much, is constantly making me feel old. It is a city where everyone is constantly trying to remain young, to stretch out as much as possible the years before growing up. And for someone who was always in a hurry to grow up, I look around me and see people my age just starting to accept growing up, just starting to check if they are "ready" to have a family (on a side note, people are not cakes. They are not "ready"), I look around me and feel old beyond my years.

My heart shaped chocolate cake was made (together with my balloons & cards) after Arsenal (thank God) won their last match of the season and we could all breathe a sigh of relief - another football season done. Hidai & Ron got in to a spot of trouble making the cake, but all's well that ends well, and I had a proper cake (even edible). I think next year I'll bake my own though. Easier, faster, and less messy... On the other hand, Hidai did the dishes, so what do I care?

My favourite wine is a sweet desert wine. You can't really say you're surprised can you?

On the actual morning of my birthday we decided to do nothing, because it was a Monday. Who has a birthday on a Monday? It's the worst day of all. But Hidai still got me a gorgeous bouquet of roses & tulips, because he loves me, and because I hinted very delicately that I would love tulips in my bouquet (by going near a flower shop and saying ohhhh, look at those tulips! They are so lovely! I adore tulips! Like I said, hinted delicately).

The last of the celebrations was a little us-time in this little cafe in Covent Garden that we saw in one of the hundred-thousand times we've been there but never tried because it's so not appropriate for kids (especially boys. Especially ours). In fact I don't think we are appropriate for it at all. Everything was so tiny and delicate and French. We felt like elephants... Every wrong move could cause it all to crumble down around us... But the food was so good (especially the brioche) and the macaroons were so so lovely that it made up for the fear in which we sat.

So there you have it - my birthday. It had a few more components that I have to wait awhile before writing about (not pregnant though. Just to make that super clear), and all of it together made it without a doubt a very different birthday to what I'm used to. Different, exhausting, and a lot of fun.
Not too bad.

A very very big thank you to everyone for making it a great birthday :)

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Ron is 8

Ron is 8. I have to repeat it because otherwise it doesn't sound real somehow. Ron is 8. I know a lot of people have older children and 8 doesn't seem like such a big number, but it is to me, because I now have an 8 years old, I have been a mum for 8 years. It's been 8 years since I last had a quiet cup of coffee at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Ron is 8. I can see the end of the childhood years closing in on him, I can see him embracing each sign of adulthood, wanting to be a grown-up, or at least a teenager. I can see it, and am powerless to stop it, he doesn't believe me when I tell him there is nothing wrong with being a kid, that not worrying is better, that he should savour every moment. He was always in a hurry to grow up my Ron. But I can also still see my baby in him, my beautiful baby who I can't even remember life before him. He hasn't changed much my Ron, from when he was that baby who didn't want to sleep so he won't miss anything. He likes sleeping now, but he still doesn't want to miss anything, he still wants to know everything, his mind is still constantly on overdrive. He is still a redhead, though some people told us it will change it hadn't, but he does have more freckles than you can count nowadays. He still loves it. He is still his own person, he doesn't see or understand peer-pressure, he doesn't understand meanness, he is still loved by everyone who meets him.
I really can't summarise or explain Ron, first because how can you summarise a person in a sentence or even in a paragraph? and second because every thing I can write will sound like I am bragging, or exaggerating or will make him sound perfect. And I am not, and he is not. I do have a few mental pictures that comes to mind when I try to think how can I describe him here. The first one is of standing in the darkest corner of the house, holding a crying baby for hours because he couldn't sleep; the second one is of a two years old toddler who chose a heart shape cake for his birthday and never changed his mind; the third one is of a three years old making a bargain with me - he will stop annoying the nursery teacher and do the arts & crafts activities he hates and in return I will teach him to write; the fourth one is of a four years old boy on his first day in a new school, a new country and no knowledge of the language, going into the school with a very happy "bye bye mummy" and without looking back; the fifth one is of a six years old boy going into the operating room to have an oral procedure that required general anaesthesia and when the orderly told him, trying to make him feel better, "don't worry, it's going to be okay", I will always remember him looking up at the orderly, such a tiny figure in a hospital gown, holding a teddy and saying very seriously "I am always fine". And he was. He is.
He's been through a lot of moves in his eight years my Ron - 5 houses in 4 cities in 3 countries. He had to start a new life twice, and every time he did it in a way that leaves me in awe. He is an old soul my Ron, he sees too much, knows too much, worry too much, and we expect too much of him. It's the curse of the older brother I guess, that he will forever be the more grown-up of the two.
But not on his birthday. We make it a point to give him everything he asks for on his birthday, to make a very very big deal out of it being "his day" to choose everything. He doesn't really like big birthday parties, my Ron. When he asked for those for his fifth and sixth birthdays he got them, but usually he doesn't want them. I know you are going to say it's easier like this, but it's really not, because each year I have to think of something to make the day special.
Every birthday starts the same, the day after Christmas I start nagging Ron to start thinking about his birthday wish-list. Ron almost never asks for anything, so I am teaching him that it's okay to ask. I also try to teach him that he can't have everything he asks for, but that lesson isn't going really well. He has everything he asked for. I just can't say no to him in these things. This year was a bit of a problem because he couldn't think of enough things to put on his list, and because we didn't know how we wanted to celebrate since his birthday was on a bank holiday weekend and my parents are here, we wanted to do something special, but we had no idea what. Ron was no help.
So I basically spent the last four months freaking out about Ron's birthday.
And because of everything else that's been going on with us and with Yon, I was laso feeling like a terrible and neglectful mother anyway, so that did very little to my success in organising a great birthday.

One year old

8 years olds

It ended up being a two days celebration and then some. On the big day he got, according to tradition (that he set when he was 2), a heart-shaped chocolate cake with chocolate icing and tiny sprinkles, 9 candles, 10 balloons and 7 presents. He got everything he asked for, which included DVDs, WII games, books, Scrabble, magic tricks, 2 Arsenal t-shirts, Arsenal ball and Arsenal legend DVD. He also got birthday cards from friends in school, from Arsenal and from us because he was really insistant that it's important to him. I also wrote him a birthday message on the blog's Facebook page, which got him some very moving birthday wishes from people he loves, and he was so very excited to see that people remember him and are thinking of him.
That day was an all Ron day, and he did what he wanted, which basically was watch a movie, play on Hidai's iPhone, watch a football match and play on the WII.
Very celebratory.
We also ate pizza for lunch, which was very nice but confused Yon who is used to pizza in the evening, and wouldn't believe us when we told him it's not really the end of the day yet.
In the afternoon my brother & sister-in-law came over and Ron got an extra card (their present was given in the morning, because presents are a morning thing. We don't believe in waiting in this house), and attention.

Traditional birthday cake

Birthday boy

On the second day, which was a bank holiday Monday we took him (and everyone else) to the Warner Brothers studio tour to see the making of Harry Potter. I definitely have to add here, that we booked our tickets before the royal family did their tour so technically they followed in our footsteps and not the other way around :). The day started out a bit rocky (Hidai called me fat - well, that's my version and I'm sticking to it), but settled down after an hour or two (and several apologies and grovelling), and the tour proved to be a great idea because Ron (and everyone else) had a great time and it's really really amazing to see everything they have there. The most amazing things are when you ride a broom, take a tour down Diagon Alley, go into the wand shop, and see a really huge model of Hogwarts. Unfortunately the tour is not without it's downsides, like the huge queues at the entrance, the prices they charge on things during your visit, the food offerings. It doesn't ruin the day, just clouds it a bit. Anyway you know I hate giving a detailed minute-by-minute description of what we did, so if you really want to read the whole review you have two options - the London with Kids page, and the TripAdvisor page.
Ron was ecstatic and so very exhausted by the time we got home, he didn't even eat the chocolate wand he chose...

The third day was cupcakes day, in which Ron went back to school and I made the 36 cupcakes he wanted to give out to all the kids in class and all the teaching staff. Because he couldn't decide on a different kind of cupcake, they got chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing (which also contained some  Lotus spread my parents brought from Israel and gave it a something special feeling). I was worried about the cupcakes thing because I didn't have special cases and decorations for them and I was worried Ron would feel it's not special enough. In the end, I put them in red cases, because you know, Arsenal... And decorated them with white chocolate stars and fairy dust and I think they were very dashing :). Unfortunately I couldn't taste as there were exactly 36, and Ron took all of them. The kids (and teachers) said they were good though, but it could be they were just being polite. We will never know. I did make Ron swear that next time I can make a cake and slice it. So much easier, both with making and transporting it all to school.

Cupcakes

Chocolate wands

The fourth day I had a girls day out with my mum, in which I bought clothes. For myself. You have no idea how rare that is. But that's not the story here, because first thing is first, and we started the day with buying some clothes for the kids, and I got Ron five new short-sleeved t-shirts that he was very happy with.
That's it. I've finished another birthday, it was crowned "best birthday ever" by Ron, who was very disappointed he now needs to wait another 365 days before his next birthday...
Thank God for that. I have no idea how the hell I am going to celebrate his birthday next year...

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April's perspective

Never write while you are feeling unwell. I have just one rule in writing - never write while you are feeling unwell, and I can't even keep that one tiny rule. I wonder what would have happened if I had a list, or a book, or even one piece of paper with rules...

That rule has friends and relatives - never reflect on your life while cleaning; never reflect on your life while unwell; never make big life changing decision while unwell, or while cleaning actually. And yet, I broke each and every one of those rules. Why do I even have these rules? Oh, isn't it obvious? That way when I break them, and the result is always the same - me feeling bad about my life, Hidai could come up to me and say - "Didn't we agree already to never..." So yeah, I keep them basically for the "I told you so", which Hidai will surely say at the end of this post.

Why am I breaking this rule now? honestly, I'm not really sure, I'm sure that when I started writing I had something to say, but somewhere along the first paragraph I forgot what it was, and now all I want to do is bitch about my life, which I assure you was not the original plan. 

2013 is, up until now, not the best year ever, and that is only partially because I am unwell. Actually I think it's one of those weird years where nothing is as you expect it to be and every day you find yourself in the opposite place to where you were yesterday.

Take the Yon for example, last time I wrote I told you about our discussion with the outreach program advisor, which made us look the Ocular Albinism in the eye. I set on a mission and scoured the internet again in the search for apps for the visually impaired to help Yon learn letters, and after 3 days found a few. We downloaded one of them, and he loved it. he was glued to the iPhone for 2 days straight, we could barely get him to stop and eat... And he saw things we were sure he wouldn't, and he really enjoyed playing with the letters and numbers... If you have kids this age who are just starting letters and numbers (and not just ones with vision problems), I really reccomend this app, it's called Giraffe's PreSchool Playground. Of course after I wrote that we got her summery of the conversation. It only took her 10 days, and she conveniently forgot to include us in the recipients so we got it from our nursery teacher. It contained only some of what we assumed it will based on our conversation with her. It made light of the way his vision is affecting his behaviour (I really feel like a broken record here), it made light of the special things he needs, not even mentioning the sitting first in class... The only things mentioned were the hat (which we already gave him right after our talk) and the magnifier glass (again, which we already tried and he didn't like). No apps for the iPad that were promised, no return visits that were promised, explanation for the staff only later in the middle of June... On the other hand she put a very very big emphasis on the fact that he doesn't like to share his animals. He is not even 4. He doesn't like to share the toys that are special for him and make him feel safe. So f@£$%ing what? Yes, I am still upset about that letter. Okay so you think it stops here, but no. Because we then talked to his teacher who finally (only 2 months after we discussed it) made him a pictures time-table, and he finally started going to the music group and the language groups and everything we discussed 2 months ago, and for now it's going great, and last night was the first time since he was born that he had a haircut without crying and shouting all the way through, and asked for hummus on his pitta, which had never EVER happened before.

Yon & his new app

You see what I mean don't you? The ups, the downs, the never knowing what is going to happen next. It's the same in every aspect of life right now, and it's driving me crazy. For some reason it makes life seem very busy and fast paced though when I try looking back at the past two weeks or so, it seems like nothing really happened...
Ron's birthday is on track, almost. His presents are here (including the last one I added this week after I wrapped all his presents and decided it doesn't look inviting enough, so I ordered some more things from Arsenal, because how can he have a birthday without Arsenal gifts?), everything is wrapped and I even bought the other things - candles, balloons, cake ingredients; but we still need to get a handle on all the class festivities thing. It will be the first year I didn't buy him special cupcakes cases and decorations, and I am feeling really bad about it. I know I shouldn't, I know the kids only care about the cupcakes and not the wrappings, but Ron will notice and probably comment on it and I will feel like the worst mother alive, because I don't have a good excuse for not being ready do I? It's not like his birthday wasn't known in advance...
On the other hand, he will get everything he asked for and more, a trip to Warner Brother Studios, and Grandparents for his birthday for the first time since we left Israel. Not too bad I think.

Ron on the way to the tube

Bureaucracy issues are still unresolved and it will probably take a few more MONTHS to get everything in order, and with it our passports back. I won't lie, we had some scary moments this week with trying to understand where we stand and that our legal situation is okay. Don't worry, it's all fine apart from the fact that everything will take longer than expected, will be messier than we would have liked, and in the meantime I can't start planning the trip we want to take to Paris in December for our 10 years wedding anniversary. The Bureaucracy issues are the hardest when you are living in a country that is not "yours", even though we did everything we should have and are perfectly legal and free to live here, every letter in the post, every call on the home number, every day that passes, they all scare you just a little more than they should. The feeling of being an immigrant is not a nice one, and though after a while you don't really feel it on a day-to-day basis (you know your way around, you know the language, the people, the shops, everyone has a funny accent so yours is also fine, you know the TV, the basic culture references, etc.), every time you have to tackle the residency issues it hit you - you are second best, maybe even third, you are an immigrant, and the bureaucracy is not in your favor. Add to that my immense dislike of bureaucracy in any place, shape or reason, and you get a tough situation, one that this time around is taking a very long time to resolve.
Me. Because it's all about me anyway, I had a mixed time as well - the weather was extremely hard on my poor joints and knees and I had to wear FLAT shoes, and take painkillers and do all that physiotherapy electric thing my parents brought me from Israel. I know I already complained about it last time, but the thing is I am not used to it being that bad, and I guess it's the fact that the weather in London is so different to what my body is accustomed to, and it takes it time to adjust. but seriously - flats? in the Spring? Isn't it bad enough I had to walk in those UGGs all winter? I know I come across as this obsessed person, but I don't do flats. Ever. It makes me feel short (just so you know - not really short even without the heels. Just crazy).
So instead of heels, I cut my hair. This time I was going to go to a proper hairdresser, I really was, but then I woke up and decided - hey why not try something new? So I didn't have time to find a hairdresser, and now my hair is shorter and I also have bangs. I think it looks cute, and really good with sunglasses (which is important in the Spring / Summer time). I never used to be so daring when it came to my hair, and though I did change it a few times it pretty much stayed the same for so many years. Nowadays my philosophy is totally different, hair grows, so worst comes to worst - 3 months and it's fine. I feel much more free with this attitude, and I have to say I like it. I just wish I could have implemented the same attitude in other areas of my life...

Hidai, me and the new haircut in Trafalgar Square 

The first few days of May brought with them some people we love who arrived to London on very different circumstances. The first ones to arrive were our very dear friends from Gibraltar that on their way to starting a new life across the pond stopped in London for a couple of days. We haven't met them (in person outside Facebook and Skype) since we moved out of Gibraltar last June, and now they are in a somewhat similar situation to the one we had last year. It felt, in some regards, like looking in a mirror of ourselves last year. All the fear, all the unknown, all the excitement, it was all there on their faces. I know it might sound nuts, but I envy them the fact that they are "before", they are pre new life, they are on the verge. I love the adrenaline and the excitement of this stage, when everything is possible. The moment just before you jump. The moment before you have to deal with reality, with the hard parts, with the problems that comes with this kind of move. The moments before you hit the ground, and you have to start running.

Because I can't put photos of other people - we ate sweet potato chips. In a Steak House. 

The second ones are my parents who are here for two weeks, after 4 months we haven't seen them (in person outside Facebook and Skype). It's been the longest gap we had between two visits, and it's really weird. Visits, and I think I said it already, are at the same time great and tough. They are great because (assuming you love the ones you invite) you get to spend a lot of time with people you love and miss a great deal. They are tough because you have to change and adjust your life to please someone else for a period of time. In the end, there are a lot of things that makes visits a success or a failure, and most of them can be concord with planing, ground rules, and experience. The one thing you can't escape is that visits force you to actually share your life with other people in a way that they can see every little detail that goes on in it. Your life is out there, like an open book. The good, the bad, the things you rather hide. You share all of it, because in 2 weeks of co-habitation you really have no way of hiding anything. On the other hand - you get food, grandparents, and full attention.

Men of the house

So there you have it, the last two weeks. Good ones? Bad ones? You decide. For me, they were unbalanced ones. They were full of drama and unknowns and fears. But also full of success, laughs, and people we love. Hidai says it's all about the perspective, I like to tell you all about the good and the bad because for me, they come together and are what makes life (and blog) interesting and true. I don't feel as if I need to be ashamed of the tough things, or the prices we pay for our choices, or the hurdles we cross, because they are here, they are a part of our story. But Hidai said it's about the perspective, you can tell the story from a different perspective and it would sound completely different. You could say - we moved to London, which was our dream for a long long time, less than a year ago. The kids have adjusted brilliantly, they love the school, they have friends, they enjoy it here very much, and actually it didn't take them long at all to feel at home; Yon gets the best treatment we could have hoped for; Hidai loves his job, and enjoys it very much, he also has his Facebook group, he is a governor in school; I have the blog which is a joy to me, I actually have a friend here (a big big step for me); we exercise regularly, we bake; our budget is improving every month and we are starting to see the light in the end of the tunnel; we managed to do so many of the London things we wanted; we will go to Paris in December. It's all true. Sure.
It's true, it's just not real.

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Old and 80's

You know how they say that the days pass really slowly but the years fly by? (I am sure they say it even outside of Israel, because Google recognised it, but if not then - it sounds better in Hebrew!), surprisingly enough it's true. As I sit here with my windows open (let me just say this - we're finally in the double digits! And sunshine!) and pretend to do serious work while actually playing Candy Crush on my computer, I see all those young mums and their very young babies playing outside on the lawn and feel ancient. Ron is 8 this Sunday. Yon is 4 in two months time. I am at the end of the last school year in which I have a child at home around noon. I no longer have babies or toddlers. I have time to myself most afternoons. It's been a hell of a ride these past 8 years. I've been a student mum, a working mum, a stay-at-home mum, a self-employed mum; we've moved 3 countries; we've had to deal with so many things over these years. Yes, when I look at these new mums I only feel one thing - old. I guess it doesn't help that my birthday is in 3 weeks, but it's not that, it's the not-belonging I think. 

I can make excuses for myself about it, but the truth is I don't do groups. I am not good in belonging. I've never belonged to anything, never had a reference group, never did the expected thing. 

Those new mums out in the garden are probably around my age, they should be my reference group, and yet they are not. They are too new at this, and I am too old. While writing this blog I look around so many sites and blogs about parenthood, about stay-at-home mums, about raising kids today; and what I found was that the trend today is to write semi-humorous posts that basically blame the kids for the way the mum's (or dad's. The trend does not discriminate) life turned out to be. Truth is, I got really angry and I really really wanted to write a scathing post about responsibility, parenthood, and the connection between the two. I even started writing it. But then I stopped, not because I think the trend is right, not because I think I'm wrong, but because I couldn't remember. You see, I don't really remember the sleepless nights (Hidai is in charge of nights anyway so I didn't have many in all these years), I don't remember how it was like to be in the battle to survive each day with a baby who doesn't like sleeping during the day but likes crying; I don't remember the inability to leave the house, or the periods where you have to leave the house or someone would...; I don't remember what it's like to have a baby at home who needs undivided and full attention all day; I just don't remember the beginning anymore. My kids are on the verge, my life is changing. I don't belong in this trendy club, so even if I do think people are taking this new trend of admitting the difficulties a tad too far and hiding things that should not be said or done behind the curtain of "humor", it is just not my life anymore. I am giving back my membership in the babies/toddlers club. I am crossing over to the middle years, the ones that teaches you the difference between taking your kids love, smiles, adoration for granted and appreciating every minute they give you, every kiss, every hug, every minute of homework, of school plays, of listening to what you have to say. You see, the last 8 years didn't teach me patience, they didn't teach me calmness, they didn't teach me restraint. They did however taught me two things - that the years fly by, and that good enough is indeed, good enough.   

Kids having fun without me :)

The main problem is, I rarely feel good enough. Especially at this precise moment, when I once again yelled at my kids because they haven't stopped bickering since Ron came home from school. And the only thing keeping me away from the chocolate drawer is that we actually have no chocolate in the house at the moment. A problem that would be rectified tomorrow when the shopping arrive. If indeed tomorrow will ever come.

Oh, the joys of parenthood... You start your post all optimistic and end it with two annoying little monsters and the yearning for an early evening. Gotta love it.

Yon and I walked home and found this purple tree in the middle of the street

If I am totally honest, these ups and downs are currently a constant in our life. It seems like we are on a fast moving swing - one moment you are up, the next down. If I'm being brutally honest here, it's a pretty accurate description of our life in any given moment. Life in our home is never quiet, and "this week" is always a tough one. Might have a connection to the fact that we forgo the ridiculous ban on baking, and for the weekend had honey & pecan cookies and peanut butter cookies. The only problem was that we had to fight the kids for them.

Hidai and the cookies we managed to wrestle away from the kids

It is definitely connected to the fact that on Saturday I announced that we are in need of a new theme song. Yes, we have theme songs (more about this little embarrassing fact in my 2012 recap). Yet it suddenly dawned on me that we don't have one right now, and the ones we had before moving here no longer feel right. This discovery sent the entire house into shock, and the result was that we spent an entire evening searching for songs. Ron's suggestion was Yellow Submarine, which he sang in class last week and was chosen for "song of the week". Yon suggested Alive (Pearl Jam's, to the delight of Hidai). Both were vetoed, but still appreciated, unlike Hidai's Baker St. (Foo Fighters cover). What we ended up doing (and that is a bit more embarrassing to admit) is adding a ton of 80's songs to our music collection. Still don't have a theme song, but we revived the 80's. 

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Spring - Facebook, Projects and Fun

I have a Facebook page! I am live on Facebook! And as you can see I am totally cool about it. Please like me on Facebook... If you will like me on Facebook you will get even more interesting insights into my life, insights that let's be honest - you just can't live without! Like the one where I watched the full Lord of The Rings movies for ten straight hours and now every time we wait for the grocery shopping delivery guy to go up the stairs, after we buzzed him through 3 gates, and there is nothing left to do but stand at the door, rolling up our sleeves and taking a deep breath, we recite "you are soliders of Gondor  and whatever comes through that gate, you will stand your ground!"
Please like my page, even though you now think I'm weird...

This is how I spent last Saturday - watching all of the Lord of The Rings movies on Hidai's computer

It seems that Spring is here, at least in spirit if not in actual weather... It's been cold and snowy the whole of March and the beginning of April though is sunnier but definitely not warmer, though there is always hope that by July we will see the double digits again... Then why am I talking to you about Spring when it is so obvious it's yet to make an appearance in the UK? Because like I said, it's here in spirit, mainly in me being in serious "projects mode". You know, like Spring cleaning, just without the cleaning (yet. It was postponed for tomorrow because we woke up at 9 today. Yes I said 9. The kids slept until 9). My first project was the Facebook page. Did I mention that I have a new Facebook page for the blog? no? well...

Kids pretending it's Spring by playing outside

Anyway, the other big project I undertook was the fixing of Yon. As you know we had a really big shock with everything Yon related - medical and behavioural, and because we agreed to ask for a formal psychological assessment, we had to feel some very long forms that details everything in his life. Actually the nursery teacher and school psychologist did that and Hidai & I just went over what they wrote and added / corrected where needed. It was horrible seeing everything in writing, and even though I know it always looks worse in these forms, it was very very bad, it was like another shock to the heart all over again. Also we got word back that the specialist from the outreach program our teacher found will observe Yon on the 15th, which is his first day back in nursery after 2.5 weeks at home. So I embarked on a Fix Your Yon program, and my objective is to fix as many of his quirks as I possibly can - and that is how I found myself sitting across the table from him trying to decide what was the best option to make him abandon the straw and start drinking from a cup like a normal person. I looked at him, while considering all my options - bribes, pleading, threatening, and in the end I opened my mouth and what came out was "well... You will need to start drinking without a straw from now on, so... go for it" and he did! I was so surprised, I can't even explain how much... The thing is, up to that day if you even hinted at a no-straw situation he would freak out and start screaming and crying, and now within 2 days he came to terms with it, and he enjoyes the whole clapping-cheering-"I won"-situation he has going on... After the drinking success I decided to tackle the getting himself dressed issue in which every turn used to be "mummy's turn", and within one afternoon became "Yon's turn".
Encouraged by my huge (and might I add surprising) success, I turned my attention to trying new food, and in the last week he ate whole plates of new things without fighting, shouting, crying or saying "I don't like it"... Lastly we eliminated the whole "not saying what I want, I just point and get it" situation that was becoming somewhat annoying. I am planning on giving back the nursery a new & improved Yon 2.0 (or at least 1.5).
With Ron my projects are easier, we are reading The Hobbit, studying Maths, and working on moderation (you don't have to memorize the whole book just because I asked you to tell me what you read today) and taking life just a little less seriously (well, I don't think the hour long conversation I had with him about budgets, loans, interest rates and savings helped, but he is such a delight to talk to I couldn't help it...).
I got an ice-cream maker from my parents, and my next culinary project is ice-cream! I will totally ignore the fact that we are still very deep into the single digits, and the fact that everyone still has a semi-cold, and make lots and lots of ice-cream because I've wanted an ice-cream maker for ages and I will not let reality destroy my ice-cream dreams (and beside, I keep the house on around 25 degrees Celsius at all times, so it's warm enough to eat ice-cream).

Ice-cream maker! So exciting!

The Birthday Season has officially started yesterday with Hidai's birthday, then in May I have Ron and myself and in July it's Yon's. Each birthday requires one heart shaped chocolate cake with chocolate sauce, writing and decorations; 10 "Birthday Boy" balloons; 3 birthday cards; and gifts. Hidai got to go to the Arsenal match (they won, an added bonus), he got a manly bookmark and chose to choose his own birthday-present-clothes, so it was a relatively easy birthday to organise. Ron is a different matter all together. He is by far the most difficult to shop for or to organise things for. He is the most amazing child, but asking for things is not his strong suit. I know a lot of people will trade places with me but when it gets to his birthday it can be a bit problematic. He doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't want a party but he wants to celebrate, he only loves football and there isn't a match close enough to his birthday, my parents are coming from Israel especially for his birthday, and it's a bank holiday. It ends up being a military operations, or like I wrote yesterday in my scheduling email - there will be shirts in the end saying "I survived Ron's birthday" :). All his presents have been chosen and are either hidden away in the house or on their way, we chose to take him (and all the rest of us also) to the Warner Brothers Harry Potter tour as a birthday celebration (which leads to another project - watch all 8 Harry Potter movies with Hidai so he knows where we are going. I already watched them of course), he chose which cake to take to school, and there is a 4 days tight schedule for everything and everyone. Thank God I have 2 months before Yon's birthday...

Mazal Tov Hidai :)

Have fun this Easter. Yes, it's a project, because for me everything is a project... I need to prepare the venues, the budget, and the time-table. We decided that Easter is a great time to go out and about, to remember that yes, a 20 minutes tube ride will get you to the heart of London, and there is so much we haven't done or seen. So much fun things we still need to do in London, and Spring is the best time to do it. Also, we won't have another long family-holiday until Christmas, so we can't pass up this opportunity. I won't elaborate, first because we still haven't done much - between the Bank Holiday, and some weather-health-work-cleaning the house issues we still had one more indoor day, and second because I am hoping to have a whole post just for Easter things because of all the fun we will have.

Easter fun has to start with Easter eggs right?

And lastly, I bought flowers. Daffodils to be exact, because they are yellow, and lovely, and so so Springy. They came all closed-up and disappointing, but I put them in water and within a day I had Spring in the house. I wish other things in life were like that also, but I don't care - I have yellow sunny girly flowers. All is good in the world.

My flowers

Oh, yes, did I mention I have a Facebook page?

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